20 September 2005

Fire Drill

So, I just got back to my desk from another fire drill. We haven't had a large-scale exercise in a long time. The entire office building was evacuated. I swear it took 30 minutes to clear out the building. I can't believe how slow some of these freaking people move. Who brought out the ugly stick too? Are there ANY good looking people working in my building? They're all fat, middle-aged, oil and railway kooks that don't take care of themselves very well. Why the frick does it take you so long to walk single file through a doorway? I MEAN - COME ON! If you're a slow beluga in my way in a real emergency, you can fully expect me to be stepping on some of your body parts to get down the stairwell from the 20th floor. Stan and Barry joked that we could either braid Ethernet cable to make a long escape rope from 20th or pack people into our standup closets (which we lovingly call 'coffins') with coats and such for insulation, and then drop them through a broken window for a soft landing on the parkade 17 floors below. They don't call them coffins for nothing...

I was tempted to just go home, however, I was in the food court when the alarms went off. As soon as that happens, the elevators stop working and by the time I started climbing up the stairwell, people were already coming down. I didn't have my coat or keys, so I was screwed. I turned around and shuffled with the rest of the cattle outside. I guess it could've been worse, had I had to walk down the stairwell single file from the 20th -- again.

6 comments:

Jeff said...

Fire drills are so stupid. Like you are really going to walk single file all calm and collected in a real fire. I tell you, if you had flames and smoke licking at your heals and engulfing your lungs, you're fucking running and trampling over anybody who is slow. Survival of the fittest! All sense of civilized humanity will go out the window and the primal instinct of survival will overtake you. We see it time and time again, yet they still insist on fire drills. What I love here is the people who claim they can't walk and have to go and wait at the service elevators for someone to come and collect them. Again if there is a fire coming your way, are you going to calmly sit by waiting for an elevator? c'mon, you'll all of a sudden have no quams about running down flights of stairs whether you can or not.

Reid Dalgleish said...

Yeah....I think the exercises are just to let the stupid people figure out how to get down the stairs -- with a final outcome of allowing more of us to survive a catastrophe that not as many normally wouldn't survive. That's the problem with the world today. Survival of the fittest has been skewed so that all of the unfit ones are surviving as well!

Reid Dalgleish said...

All the unfit and ugly ones too!

Jeff said...

We should go back to natural selection. All fat and uglies need not apply. We would have a beautiful society free of most obesity realted diseases, and all the genetics would come from beautiful women and men. Ahh but we can only dream that life, or see it on TV one of the two.

Reid Dalgleish said...

Well, honestly, there are a few fat people you see that you think, "wow, would they ever be hot if they lost that weight?" What are we supposed to do with them?

Jeff said...

tie them to a treadmill and turn it on. we can dangle a chocolate bar infront of them and have them run and run and run and run and run.