03 April 2007

In the toilet

...that's where my motivation is. Ever since I've gotten back to work, I've been performing at less than stellar levels of output. I'm not sure what the problem is. I know I'm pretty much fed up with this job right now and just biding my time until we find out whether we're on the cutting board and getting a severance package, or if they're going to make any effort to find another position here for us at the company. Gob I hope not. I don't have any desire to stay here anymore. I'll miss the flexibility in my hours and the chance to fuck the dog for a couple days here and there, but the morale here has gotten so caustic and so many people I liked to work with have left, I really see no reason to stay.

But then, what do I do next? I've been trying to do some soul-searching over the past few months and haven't come to many good conclusions. I still bite my tongue when I think about continuing to work in corporate business. I find it all so tedious and artificial. It sucks my soul out a little more each day. And the way I see things going in our society, my role as a computer systems specialist will be one of the first to go into the dustbin of non-essential positions. As will most positions in the business world. Oh, why don't they pay cashiers at Safeway more? I could go and do that. It's just about as stimulating as what I do now.

The OutGames preparations are pretty much wrapped up. Go day is Saturday. I have a whole list of things to do each day from today to Saturday, but it looks like things are coming together. They'd better be for all the effort I've put into this. I gotta thank all the others on the organizing committee for everyone has done more than their fair share of jobs and put in effort where they didn't really have to. Ah, the joys of Type A....

This weekend should be a lot of fun. Joe's got the entire weekend off so we will be able to hit all the events together, which should be fun. Tonight is a Mixer for Matt's company at the Backlot, so I'm meeting Jeff, Doug and Matt there in about an hour. It will be fun to see the guys again. I think it's been nearly three weeks! If it weren't for my friends and personal interests, my motivation would truly be permanently in the toilet.


Jeff Skybar said...

shock therapy can be pretty motivating too!

I....am......so....effin....TIRED....today.....can't ......stay.....awake.

Reid Dalgleish said...

I definitely need a shock of some kind. Thankfully today has been a bit more productive. Makes me feel less guilty. As well, I let my manager know of my true feelings as to where I want to go in the company (essentially wherever or nowhere), so he's putting me in as a candidate for anything technical here, or as a candidate to be moved over to IBM if they win the contract bid for the outsourcing. Pretty much what I expected, but good thing now that the pressure to figure out what I want to do here is off my back.