I almost forgot that I live here. I've been so enveloped with stress and worry that I think I was going through a bit of an emotional breakdown last week. Things haven't been going so well as of late.
I'm putting 11-hour days in at work again, and now that I'm leaving on Friday the pressure's on to wrap some things up. My former manager and my current manager are both on vacation right now, so it's made the guidance thing a little weird. My team has been swallowed up by End User Services, and I can't say that anyone has been overly welcoming. I've been having some coding difficulties this week and everyone is apparently too busy with their own work to help out, so that has just made my time even more scarce to deal with the everyday hell that is our production computing environment. We're still dealing with lots of production issues on top of everything else, so there's not much good going on there.
Volunteerism is coming to a head this week as well. I've put huge amounts of time into getting the Synergy financials together for Alberta Corporate Registries and the AGLC, who provide our funding. I have had to get teammates to volunteer as examiners for the financial statements, and I've finally finished my re-adjustments tonight. I'm glad this is finally getting completed and should bode well for a summer of little accounting.
I've been drinking and smoking too much, and not getting out for enough runs and bike rides. I've managed to stay consistent with the gym workouts, but I feel the last month or so I haven't been treating myself as well as I normally do.
Joe and I are having difficulties. I always seem to 'power down' this time of year, re-evaluating the pros and cons of our relationship. I really feel that I'm in a rut, and I've given Joe an ultimatum that he either come along with me or I'm leaving him behind.
The housing market is stressing me out. On the one hand, I have friends and our realtor who are saying it's not a good time to buy, while others say I should just suck it up and buy something, otherwise we're going to be renters forever, in Calgary at least. This isn't making me happy either, since I'm basically impotent to do anything until Joe gets his shit together and gets a real job.
Some of my friends are stressing me out. Some people are going through their own crises right now, and I'm taking that on as well.
The articles and websites I've been reading haven't been adding to the negativity either. The world is such a messed up place, but after the past few weeks, I've really come to realize how powerless I am in the whole scheme of things to really do anything about it. I've been through my mourning period for what we have and what we're going to lose, and now I realize that I just have to be smart and set myself up as best as I think I can for what I think is going to come in the future.
So, I guess there is light at the end of the gloom. The days are getting longer. The weather is getting warmer. Summer is getting closer. I am slowly getting ahead in my workload, volunteerism and finances. My friends are more positive. Joe and I are talking a lot more lately. Racing season is coming soon, which is always a very positive force in my life. And Tucson is only four days away. I guess I officially start preparing for the trip tomorrow - I have an appointment for my first full-body wax! Eep!
I really hope I come back refreshed and rejuvenated to take on the world and my obligations once again. Bad times are always followed by good times, and a lot of the things I'm concerned about I really shouldn't be. It's time to start simplifying, pursuing those things that make me happy, and making the changes required to achieve that. That's about all there is in my power to do.
4 comments:
I hear you Reid, I'm in a very similar boat. I hope that Tucson can help us sort our heads out. As Bon Jovi would say, keep the faith!
Culitivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace and happiness.
1. Fill your mind with thoughts of peace,courage, health and hope.
2.Never try to get even with your enemies.
3. Expect ingratitude.
4. Count your blessings - not your troubles.
5. Do not try to imitate others.
6.Try to profit from your losses.
7. Create happiness for others.
Dale Carenegie was a smart man.
Hey sweetcheeks, I feel your funk and am sending some good vibes your way.
Whatever you do, be true to your heart. I am finding that such a concept is not that easy cuz it takes some big steps and often 'ickie' decisions, cuz they're for the greater good...love is not easy, that's fo sho...as Jeff said, follow your heart, and your gut. Whatever you decide to do, I want to see you happy and smiling all the time, otherwise what is the point, really?
Re. buying property - so you're really thinking about this eh? I dunno, the whole concept makes me nervous...I have been seriously contemplating jumping ship and 'going off the grid'...as in, sell my shite and join a communal farm somewhere in B.C., and live off the land for when everything goes to hell in a handbasket. And even if it doesn't, I think the tranquility of being outta the loop would just feel right, yanno? On that note, I was gonna ask you - what's the deal with your dad's farm in Sask? Is he still selling it? What about the whole lot of us who are miserably functioning in our dysfunction go in on this farm deal and exit this cold capitalist society? I am totally game if you and others are...I can learn to sew (I know how to do buttons and have a great eye so we would be the hippest farmers out there). Deb and Jeff cook mean meals, etc. It's just all about working together and building our skill sets....
Anyway, those are the kinds of thoughts I've been having that keep me going beyond the crap that is all-consuming around us. I hope you are feeling better and if not, you will...just do what you feel is right. you're a beautiful person and it's not often i hear you get in this kind of space (first time I think!), so sounds like it might be time for some major life decisions as it sounds like you're facing several major life events....that or you're pms'ing hehe
hugs
N
Expect ingratitude.....? How true, but pretty sad when you start to expect it from your friends. That's just wrong! With friends like that, who needs enemies?
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