The most inoffensive of all....

Here's a funny greeting from BK. Good for about any observance you can possibly think of...

Dear Colleague:

Please accept, with no obligation, explicit or implied, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, culturally and ethnically tolerant, celebration of the winter solstice (un) holiday / season (or otherwise appropriate time period which best describes the duration of your celebration or non-celebration), practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

And furthermore, a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not limited to or without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make this country great, (not to imply that this country is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, color, gender(s), age, physical ability, religious faith, hair color, astrological sign, dressing habits, choice of computer platform, favorite reality television program, paper / plastic, or sexual preference(s) of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Yours,
{enter name here}