Bah humbuggery

What a hellish week. I'm so stressed out. I wish I could have a couple of days of complete isolation from everyone and everything holiday-related, just to get some mind-clearing solace and sleep. But alas, tomorrow morning we begin the 11-hour drive to Manitoba, spend 60 hours going from family gathering to party to social gathering, and then 11 hours drive and back to work again on Wednesday morning. *sigh*

I'm not sure if it's the fact that I've had to work the entire week and have had everything dumped on my desk because no one else on the team is working this week (it's been my most hectic week in a month or so), or that work + shopping (which I loathe, being the penultimate anti-consumer)+ Xmas preparations + training, etc, etc, is just making my head explode and causing me to despise this season even more than I should. *whine*

I've been reading pretty heavy Peak Oil stuff this week which hasn't been making my heart feel any lighter. We didn't put up a tree this year since we're travelling away for Christmas. I've spent way more than I should have even though nothing was excessive and that should set my debt payment plans back a few more months *moan*

To top everything off, we went for our annual Xmas light run with the running group last night. We made the trip up to Confederation Park where the huge light display is every year from Greg and Marion's place. We got there about 6:35pm and the lights weren't even on yet! I took it to be a very ominous sign of the lack of spirit that I'm feeling this season. I wished Xmas to be over a week ago, and I still have another four days to go. *sniff*

Now that Joe and I have decided we're going to have a NYE party, we inevitably have another hectic week ahead next week prepping for Saturday night and back to the regular fly-from-appointment-to-appointment without a moment to catch my breath. *gasp*

Oh yeah, did I mention I'm on call over the entire holiday season too? I figure with my luck I should be getting a call or two on Sunday. Fuck. *weeping*

I really feel so out of control this time of year. There is so much pressure to conform to expected behaviors. If you decided to opt out of Christmas one year, everyone would think there is something seriously wrong with you. I'd love to NOT have to 'celebrate' this holiday anymore. It's for the kids, I'm not a kid, and I don't really care about spending, spending, spending in order to make sure that I didn't leave anyone out or shortchange anyone. There's nothing worse than having someone give you a gift that completely upstages what you have gotten for them. I think the fact that Joe is grumpy and overworked and tired this week and we haven't seen each other to any acceptable degree for over a week is adding to the stress. It feels like the only communication we've had with each other is a grunt of acknowledgment as one of us gets up or goes to bed - two ships passing in the night.

I hope you're all having a much better week than I am. I really hope getting to mom and dad's, walking in the snow, being part of Trezlie's first Christmas and finally sitting around a tree might get my spirit of the season juices moving. Alcohol, where are you?

Here's hoping that early 2006 brings some quiet time to reassess everything. Having Joe at home more often is a step in the right direction, and I'm hoping the trip to Texas will be what the doctor ordered. I literally haven't had a day off of work since August, so it's long overdue.