I'm still here at fricking work wishing I didn't have to come in at all anymore. Actually my dream might come true sooner than I think. Once again we are threatened with layoffs and this year it doesn't look too good for my team. This is a major outsourcing (or "best-shoring" as the higher-ups are lovingly calling it) push that will virtually eliminate all in-house development and support teams at my company. I don't think I'm going to be able to escape the chopping block this time.
I'm essentially throwing my arms up in frustration and saying, "this time, freaking do it! Commit, you bastards!" Well, something like that. They've threatened us year after year, practically every year since I've been here. It's been more than a little draining on one's psyche and level of engagement. Just by the third quarter when you're starting to feel valuable and wanted again, they ramp up another initiative to threaten your livelihood and keep you twitchy and paranoid.
So what am I to do? We're being encouraged to look elsewhere in the business for positions, but I'm not so sure if I can cope on the business side of the dazzling railroad industry. At most, I'd become a glamorous business analyst I figure. I guess that's always an option, but then I miss out on the severance package too (six years = yummy). As far as my beliefs go, I should stick around and pad my resume with some business experience, but gawd - how can I stand the peon banality anymore?
I've begun looking at NGOs and non-profits -- I figure since I'm so passionate about the things some of these organizations stand for, why not contribute, push the agenda, and get paid for it? Hello, Sierra Club? David Suzuki Foundation? EarthWatch Institute? The sky's the limit. I'm okay with a financial hit. Money is not my driver anymore. I've grown tired of the short-term shareholder screw-over and option orgy that is perceived as the norm in Corporate Canada now. It's time to move to something more meaningful to me, I feel. If I can, I would love to opt out of the rat race for good and apply my efforts to an organization that is doing something good for the local, national or global community. Anyone have any suggestions or contacts I can start out with?
As well, Joe and I are into day two of being smoke-free. No, not the good smoking, but the bad smoking. It sucks. I have headaches, my mouth is sore (see? things are already starting to heal themselves! Mouth cankers, here we come!), I'm grouchier than hell (...hoo boy...you should have witnessed the head-to-head bitchfest at home last night), and I'm freaking tired. I think I might be coming down with something too. There's more than a few zombies wandering around the office spreading their gross post-holiday infections. I would love to just go to bed right now, but I must head to Peak Power for a workout (guilt, guilt, guilt). I'm so fat and need to lose some weight prior to beach time (see below). Hmmm...maybe since I have a meeting on Thursday, I'll go tomorrow and Friday instead? I like that idea.
Because the holidays were generally shitty being on-call with no time off, I've bought a ticket to visit my folks again this year in Texas, February 2-11. I'm so happy to be able to get away, sit on the beach and read books for a week. I've already ordered some new books from Amazon! The flights to Harlingen dropped dramatically after the holidays while the tickets to Houston went up, so, as I always had preferred, I'm flying via Houston to Harlingen (for $545!) and having Ma and Pa fetch me at the airport. Then it's to retirement community paradise!!! There's some good places to go running near the orchards, lots of pool time in the afternoons and a gym nearby with weighlifting platforms. I'm going a couple of weeks later than last year but still a month before Spring Break, so hopefully the weather will be good, SPI will be busier than last year, but not overrun with drunken sorority girls yet.
I've also been in touch with the scuba diving tour groups at South Padre Island and I'm planning to do some diving while there as well. I did some researching and there's actually quite a bit to see in the depths of the Gulf! More than Lake Minnewanka, anyways.
So yeah, whatever. Life is throwing more curveballs. I'm a hypocrite. I'm tired. I'm defeated. How do I react? Take a vacation.
2 comments:
Well as long as you don't become some hemp attired, non-bathing, dreadlock wearing, earthy nomad that is a little strange in the head, I'll still like you. Change is good. You need change Reid. We change our careers throughout our life, you are approaching this stage now.
Reid, I can relate to how you are feeling.....I decided that I can barely stand to look at most people I work with and that the whole place is a big joke. So.......I started daydreaming about more pracical things like deciding what I would do if I won the *Lottery*. Then I realized that money isn't such a good thing but like booze and dope it eases the pain. Hell all these office jobs turn us into zombies and without internet access I might as well daydream before coffee and after lunch right through until afternoon coffee...so that means just about all day.
Seriously though I figre we are all going through the Winter blahhhs BIG TIME. I feel sick and tense all over. I sure could use a hug or something. I guess a hot bath and a glass of wine will have to do? Then I get to do it all over again tomorrow. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that having a fight with your Mother when SHE has been drinking is just a bad experience.
Is spring here yet. I know for goddammed sure I'm taking a Winter Holiday Somewhere tropical next year. Enjoy South Padre.
Doug
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