Falling Behind

*wiping the zoned-out drool from the corner of my mouth while staring at the monitor*

Damn you, life - you and all your commitments!

I've sorta kinda been taking the last week off to recompose myself spiritually, mentally and physically. Of course I have also been guilting about it the entire time so I'm pretty much in the same place I was when I started. Sigh. I fully understand that it is my own whacked brain that applies so much pressure on myself to perform, to be involved, to behave, to participate, to empathize - but I've always been this way. It's all so exhausting. I have this dread more and more often these days that I'm falling behind in so many aspects of my life. Simply existing where and when I (we) do is tiring enough. Add to that my twisted interpretations of my own behavior, the actions of others and the state of the world and it equates to being on the edge of a precipice. Wouldn't it be nice to get admitted to a 'rest home', just for a little while to get away from it all (and I really mean ALL), to stop worrying about everything for a period of time?

Ahhh.....

There is a lot to think and write about and hopefully I'll get around to it before the end of the weekend. I'm not planning on doing any racing or anything else strenuous on the weekend (race-free weekend #3! Wow!), so maybe an attempt at a great blog posting would be therapeutic in a twisted, ranty sort of way.

I'm really anticipating getting away from the daily rut with this trip to Montreal. I've got five-year itch at work, burnout from racing, Stampede and Calgary (the rat-race city poster child), relationship angst, and world-on-my-shoulders syndrome that I need to address.

The Montreal trip is not going to be very restful (that's saved for the trip to the East Coast in September), but it will be very nice to be hanging out in my favorite North American city again after a two-year hiatus. Consequence-free partying! People that aren't only aroused by money and pretty, shiny objects! Whoo!

I'm hoping that my decision to take some time off of racing for the month of July will get me chomping at the bit to get back on the saddle for another two months of high-stakes racing in August in September. It helped last year.

Until later. I need to zone out and start drooling again...