06 March 2007

Rage

Why have I been so angry lately? I think I've been disappointed by a lot of events, outcomes and people lately. I know that being angry about it or taking these things personally is not productive or healthy. I know better than this. I think it came to a head this weekend when I realized that the relationships I have with the people closest to me might be becoming compromised because of my outlook on life, society, my community, and myself lately, which have been 'less than' optimistic or inspirational. I should be taking time to look forward and plan for the changes about to come in my life in a positive, adaptive way, but instead I am overwhelmed by the tasks at hand and the despair I feel about the state of the world. I want so much for things to work out okay, and very recently there have been a few positive developments on the world stage but not enough to pull me out of this despondency.

It's like I said, the more I learn about what's really going on in the world, the more confused I get about the decisions I need to make regarding the long-term future and my security in the short, medium and long term. I know this is an exercise that everyone needs to undertake (well, at least those that plan ahead), but it seems more and more a futile exercise.

I have to stop taking things so personally. Very difficult. I have to stop looking at problems at such a macro level and focus on things that are within my locus of control to change. Also very difficult. I have to start treating the people I care about most better. They deserve so much better from me.

I just hope I can figure this all out before I succumb to hopelessness. I know I am strong and resilient enough, I just can't find the branch to grab onto to pull me out of the this chaos. I think that's what makes me angry.

5 comments:

Jeff Skybar said...

Reid, hmmm. I'll call you later. SOmetimes the branches that we are looking to grab onto are right infront of our faces and we can't see them.

doug said...

Reid, you know as well as I do you're not going to ALLOW yourself to succumb to hoplessness. Hell, your friend care about you alot and won't allow it either!

Anger stems from unhappiness and feeling like you can't control things. The truth is there alot of things in this world we can't control. You need to accept this and put positive energy into the things you can effect. You can choose to ride a bike instead of drive a car, you can choose what you do and who you spend time with. You can't however, choose what other people will decide to do or how they decide to live their lives.

I know you well enough to know that you are NOT inherently a negative person, you realize that many people are decent, intelligent and do question the way our world is run. You know full well that everything is not in fact wrong! You simply can't take ownership of every stupid thing that poeple do. You are a human being just like the rest of us.

Just remember, we care about you and know that the Reid we hang out with is a pretty special guy. Negativity, doesn't have to rule one's life - unless you allow it to?

Comfortable Chaos said...

here, here Doug.

Reid, sweetie, I am in a very parallel mindset right now.

You can see what you want, you can see the internal and external forces that are contributing to the funk (or as I like to call it, the pause button), but you're just feeling to weak/tired/frustrated/angry/apathetic/burned out to take the necessary steps to change your thinking.
So you sit and you stew in your own juices until something snaps you the eff out of it.

The good news is that everything you posted tells me that you won't be in this spot for long.
You already know what to do to change your outlook/mindset. And you will get there in your own time, no doubt anout that.

Sometimes, it's okay to feel defeated. We're human. We live in a crazy, crazy world in this day and age.
The fact that things bother you from time to time is a GOOD thing I think. Better that then become permanantley numb...
It's a fine line.

Chin up my friend. You're in good company - always.

Anonymous said...

Frankie say relax.

Reid Dalgleish said...

Hey, thanks guys. I've had a couple of shitty days that brought out a lot of bad air. I'm feeling a lot better today. Maybe it's the weather looking up too?