Why have I been so angry lately? I think I've been disappointed by a lot of events, outcomes and people lately. I know that being angry about it or taking these things personally is not productive or healthy. I know better than this. I think it came to a head this weekend when I realized that the relationships I have with the people closest to me might be becoming compromised because of my outlook on life, society, my community, and myself lately, which have been 'less than' optimistic or inspirational. I should be taking time to look forward and plan for the changes about to come in my life in a positive, adaptive way, but instead I am overwhelmed by the tasks at hand and the despair I feel about the state of the world. I want so much for things to work out okay, and very recently there have been a few positive developments on the world stage but not enough to pull me out of this despondency.
It's like I said, the more I learn about what's really going on in the world, the more confused I get about the decisions I need to make regarding the long-term future and my security in the short, medium and long term. I know this is an exercise that everyone needs to undertake (well, at least those that plan ahead), but it seems more and more a futile exercise.
I have to stop taking things so personally. Very difficult. I have to stop looking at problems at such a macro level and focus on things that are within my locus of control to change. Also very difficult. I have to start treating the people I care about most better. They deserve so much better from me.
I just hope I can figure this all out before I succumb to hopelessness. I know I am strong and resilient enough, I just can't find the branch to grab onto to pull me out of the this chaos. I think that's what makes me angry.