After initial SHOCK wears off, comes:
Where am I now? Probably wavering somewhere between depression and acceptance, depending on the day, my mood and what I'm doing.
I'm trying to end up with a positive outcome, that Murad left me in better condition than when he first met me. I'm trying to work through the grief ensuring that positive ends come from difficult, sad means. I really want to respect his life by ensuring that the lessons I got from the way he did things and what he believed are activated and pursued by integrating them into my life as part of who I am.
Everyone we meet comes into our lives for a reason and has some effect on us (and/or us on them). We are meant to integrate these effects into our behaviour, personality and discourse in order that we continue to work towards our ultimate being and understanding of who we are and what our purpose is.