The Theoretical Truth

"IF YOU LOCK THREE ECONOMISTS IN THE BASEMENT, THEY WON'T WORRY ABOUT STARVING - BECAUSE THEY THEY KNOW THEIR GRUMBLING BELLIES WILL CAUSE SANDWICHES TO APPEAR."

- Chris Martenson, 2009 ASPO Conference

Because Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them
in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big
country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Calgary. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll
send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I
sell it in Canada?(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a
kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone
walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine
before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Love this collection. Thanks Mali Na! ;)

Holy crapola!

It's been forever since I posted here - for multiple reasons (or excuses) - including, um, summer, boys, travel, focusing on the other blogs and Facebook instead, summer, boys, travel...

I skitted home for a week at the end of June for my mom and dad's 40th wedding anniversary just as the heat wave was warming up in BC, jumped to Montreal for August long weekend just as the heat wave peaked and British Columbia was seemingly entirely on fire, and just got back from a long weekend in Los Angeles visiting friends during a party weekend event over yet-another-missed-in-Vancouver long weekend. In between all that I've been trying to work, look for new work, meet people in my new city, and host a lot of old friends coming through Vancouver on vacation from points east. All in all it's been a crazy busy summer and not-so-surprisingly it has sort of blown by.

I have been keeping up pretty good cycling and running form this summer, doing lots of climbing in North Vancouver. The cycling highlight of the summer was definitely the climb day up Mount Baker in Washington State. Hard to believe that the track cycling season here starts in a couple of weeks. It boils down to a very different racing schedule than what I've become accustomed to over the past decade. I'm really looking forward to racing indoors over the winter though....should be a lot of fun to meet an entirely new group of people....well, not entirely new. There are a lot of ex-Alberta pats out on the wet coast, so it seems.

I'm flying to Toronto over the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend to catch the Kylie Minogue concert. I've been a huge fan since the 80s and almost herniated when I found out she was finally touring North America for the first time. Despite her relative low-letter-list status here, she still has lots of die-hard fans here and they have filled most of the dates on her six-city tour. There are still tickets available for Toronto though, so it is not sold out yet.

It was only by accident that I decided to go to Toronto. Other options were L.A., Las Vegas and Chicago, but none of the dates really fell anywhere that I would be able to integrate a minimal number of vacation days in order to get a reasonable number of days away. Toronto was the option that looked best. It was only after I bought the concert and flight tickets and talked to friends in Montreal that I realized it was also Thanksgiving long weekend...which also means....Black & Blue weekend in Montreal! Yipe! Too much suddenly going on. I ran into my friend Paul from Toronto while in Montreal and he informed me about the tentative itinerary for the long weekend, which I anxiously wanted to be a part of. Hopefully that all works out.

Air Canada had a kickass seat sale on a couple of months ago where I managed to get the flights from Vancouver to Toronto and return for $380.....super cheap. At the same time I booked my flight back to Calgary for family Xmas in November for $230. Super cheap.

Unfortunately the American destinations did not come across as cheap. I had to pay more for the Vancouver - Los Angeles flights than I wanted to (with disgusting flight times and transfers as a result of still trying to book as cheap a flight as possible). For the Chicago trip in November, I decided just to use Aeroplan miles. $80 instead of $750, yeah I can dig it.

So what's on the travel agendy for 2009? Time will tell. I already have some obligations to get down to Seattle and Portland ASAP, Palm Springs at the beginning of February, Phoenix and Houston/Rio Grande Valley around the same time, Chicago in the spring, in addition to the big Tour of Germany (Frankfurt-Cologne-Dusseldorf-Amsterdam-Hamburg-Berlin-Prague-Vienna-Munich-Frankfurt) I would like to do coinciding with the Gay Games in August next year. Of course this all hinges on where exactly I'll be working in 2010. My current role is done at the end of October and I am sort of hoping not to get a renewal so I can get a package and embark on a new path with a new organization. I guess we'll what happens soon enough.

If the job market isn't looking that stellar at that time, I'm planning to do some skill upgrading in January/February for Sharepoint/MOSS 2007 Administration, and maybe, just maybe, keep my options open to be available for the Winter Olympics in February/March.

On top of that, I'm dating a wonderful guy. We're spending inordinate amounts of time trying to figure each other out, which is leading to a lot of days of exhaustion, but smiles on our faces. We'll see how this all develops, so far so good.

Anyhoo, just wanted to put some filler in here. Not sure when I'll next post, but FB is where I am most of the time now. Plus some of my other blogs garner a lot more traffic and interest from me.

*Ugh*

Vancouver registers hottest day on record as BC is hit with heat wave
By The Canadian Press

VANCOUVER, B.C. - The city of Vancouver has registered its hottest day on record.

Environment Canada says a temperature of 33.8 C was recorded at Vancouver airport on Wednesday, shattering the previous high of 33.3 C that was set in 1960. "A very strong ridge of high pressure is currently dominating all of B.C.," said Gary Dickinson, a meteorologist with Environment Canada.

"The ridge of high pressure also brought up from the south very warm air, which was responsible for the record-breaking temperatures."

And Dickinson says Vancouver wasn't the only city to record its hottest day ever.

"Abbotsford beat their all-time record as well. The previous record was 37.9 C and they reached 38.0 C," he said.

A number of municipalities throughout the province set daily records.

Victoria reached 35.0 C, besting the old mark of 31.1 C.

Port Alberni hit 40.0 C, with the previous record being 37.8 C.

And Bella Coola reached 41.2 C, bettering the previous high of 34.3 C that was set in 1898.

Dickinson says the sweltering weather is something British Columbians, some of whom are uncharacteristically hoping for rain, will have to get used to over the coming days.

"The ridge of high pressure responsible for the warm temperatures will continue to hold over the province for the remainder of the week and going into the weekend," he said.

"The temperatures will gradually cool over the course of the weekend."

The high temperatures have brought with them an air quality advisory for Metro Vancouver and the Fraser Valley.

"Oh, they're just that way"

Here's a strange Canadian phenomenon that needs discussing - Torontonianism. It's the strange affliction any native or former Torontonians have with their intense need and desire to frame the reference of ANY topic of conversation into such a way that Toronto is involved and whatever it is you're discussing happens more profoundly there.

The most recent example of this was on Saturday evening. The lightning storms were sweeping into the Lower Mainland. The conversation obviously went to the rarity of lightning storms on the West Coast, however the former Torontonian of the group had to pipe up how much more intense the storms are in Toronto. I had to channel all the power in me to bite my lip. First of all, this guy's been in Vancouver for 15 years -- give up the Torontonianism already! Secondly, has he ever seen Prairie storms before? Oh yeah, right, no. Toronto is the only place in the country that gets intense summer storms, I guess.

I think we need to start up a foundation that will help all these hapless Torontonians to break their addiction to Toronto. It's there and by christ it's awesome! We get it, okay?

Celebration of Light: Night One

Crowds cheer fireworks wizardry at Celebration of Light

By David Karp, Vancouver Sun
July 23, 2009 8:31 AM

VANCOUVER — Spectators whistled and cheered, aiming their cellphones and digital cameras at the sky as Canada launched this year’s fireworks competition with a spectacular burst of colour and pyrotechnics over English Bay.

“It’s awesome — bright colours — it’s mesmerizing. It just gives you a good feeling,” said Cathy Cardoza, who was visiting from San Francisco. “It’s longer and fuller [than Fourth of July] fireworks in San Francisco. There is more fullness in these fireworks. It’s not just one at a time.”

Overall, she said: “It made our vacation.”

An enormous crowd turned out for the show, and Davie Street was jammed with people trying to work their way toward the beach just before it began.

Canada, which is trying for a third straight victory in the annual HSBC Celebration of Light event, put on a Wizard of Oz-themed show titled No Place Like Home.

The music accompanying the show was from the Wizard of Oz, with the finale song Somewhere Over the Rainbow, accompanied by a spectacular rainbow of fireworks.

Earlier, the president of Winnipeg’s Archangel Fireworks Inc., which put on Canada’s show, said he was saving the best for the 12-second finale.

“The finale’s a nice size this year,” said Kelly Guille. “I don’t really want to ruin it.”

As for the rest of the show: “I’m shooting to the Wizard of Oz original soundtrack, trying to evoke the emotion of the story in the scenes of the fireworks.”

Guille said he has been preparing for the show since November. It took 12 people three days just to set up the 25-minute performance, which included roughly 3,000 fireworks.

Many people staked out spots on the beach hours before the fireworks began.

Among them was Vancouverite Darren Childs, a fireworks aficionado who has missed only three performances since the annual Vancouver event began.

Childs, who uses a wheelchair, arrived at 5 p.m. to claim a place by the inukshuk on English Bay, bypassing his normal spot in the wheelchair seating area on top of the English Bay bathhouse.

“I kind of like it because you are part of the people,” said Childs. “It’s a lot more fun being part of the festivities right on the beach.”

The next fireworks event is Saturday, when South Africa puts on a show, followed by the United Kingdom next Wednesday and China on Aug. 1.

dkarp@vancouversun.com

Raindrops

The vid for Basement Jaxx' new single, "Raindrops" is out now. I love it. Erotic art-- music made into moving images.

Since it came up in conversation...

The worst interview and resume mistakes
by Tara Weiss, Forbes.com
Wednesday, January 14, 2009

A few minutes into an interview with a promising advertising sales representative, the candidate's cellphone rang. Instead of being embarrassed that he forgot to shut it off, he asked the recruiter, Debra Wheatman, "Do you mind if I grab this for one quick sec?"

Of course she minded.

That he answered the phone spoke volumes about him. His résumé went straight into the trash. It didn't matter how qualified he was; Wheatman wasn't hiring someone who valued a cellphone call over a job opportunity.

"I was flabbergasted," she says. Wheatman was an in-house recruiter at Condé Nast when this awkward incident occurred. She is now a career counsellor for the job Web site Vault.com.

Answering your phone during a job interview is obviously inappropriate. But there are many much more subtle mistakes job seekers make on their résumés and during interviews. With so much competition for jobs, don't let one of these faux pas hurt your chances.

Your résumé is your first chance to make a positive impression. Make sure there aren't any typos, grammatical errors or spelling mistakes in it. You must do more than just spell check it. Print it out. It's easier to detect errors on paper than after your eyes glaze over from staring at a computer screen. Also, have a friend or mentor proofread it.

One version of your résumé won't be right for all the jobs you apply for. It's better to tailor it to a handful of openings that directly relate to your experience rather than to write one and spam dozens of hiring managers with it. Also, use the keywords that appear in the job ad to describe your skills.

"The biggest mistake people make on a résumé is they think everything they've ever done needs to be in there," says Rich Thompson, vice president of training and development for the staffing firm Adecco Group North America. "The résumé is the bait to get you the interview."

Managers are more likely to take that bait if you describe your accomplishments instead of listing your daily responsibilities. This will set you apart from the competition. Quantify those accomplishments when possible. Describe what you made, saved and achieved for the firm.

Once you get the interview, dress professionally. Men should wear a suit and tie and women a nice top with either slacks or a skirt. It doesn't matter if the company's typical attire is business casual. "You're there to make an impression," Debra Wheatman says.

Nothing frustrates recruiters more than when a candidate doesn't know enough about their company. Before the interview, learn all you can about the company's products, services and competition. Check out the press room on the firm's Web site to see what the latest news is.

All this information will come in handy when the hiring manager asks why you want the job. That's the perfect opportunity to explain how you'll be an ideal fit for the position.

Joan McGrail, human resources manager at the footwear company New Balance, sees many avoidable mistakes when she conducts interviews. Among the most common: asking about vacation policy before you've landed the job, long answers that never really address the question, trying to dominate the interview and failing to show respect for all interviewers and company personnel, like the receptionist and security person.

Among the silliest errors she's seen: A job candidate wore a competitor's sneakers to the interview.

McGrail recommends being prepared to discuss specifics. For example, many managers will ask questions like, "Tell me about a time when you had to overcome a challenge on the job."

Always come prepared with questions. Wheatman recommends asking, "Can you tell me about the characteristics of a person who held this job who was very successful? What about someone who held the job before who wasn't successful?"

Many interviewees get tongue-tied when asked the open-ended question, "Tell me about yourself." "People often start babbling," Wheatman says. "It's meant to get you to open up and talk about something not on your résumé."

She recommends discussing something interesting you've done that illustrates your character. Typical good options: having recently trained for and run a marathon or recent volunteer work.

As for salary, don't discuss it until you've been offered the job. If you toss out a number before the interview, it may be higher than they wanted and you'll take yourself out of the running. Show them during the interview why they can't live without you. Then they'll be more likely to give you the pay you deserve.

Many recruiters create an uncomfortable situation by asking what your current salary is. That shouldn't have a bearing on what you'll make in your next job. The company should pay you the market rate for your unique skills set.

If this comes up, respond by explaining that you're really excited about this opportunity and you're sure you can arrive at a salary you both feel comfortable with. If that doesn't work, Wheatman suggests, ask how much the position is budgeted for.

Don't underestimate the power of a good interview. "We find the overwhelming percentage of people who get the job are not necessarily the ones most qualified," Thompson says. "They're the ones who do the best in the interview."

Whatever you do, don't forget to shut off your cellphone.

Craiglist post from the Bike Shop

A few things from the bike shop.
Date: 2009-05-27, 4:05PM PDT

Whoo-hoo Seattle, the sun is out! Let's discuss a few things before you fumble with swapping the unused ski rack for the unused bike rack on the Subaru.

So yes, you've noticed the sun is out, and hey!- maybe it would be cool to to some bike riding. Let's keep in mind that the sun came out of all 600,000 of us, so for the most part, you're not the only one who noticed. Please remember that when you walk into my shop on a bright, sunny Saturday morning. It will save you from looking like a complete twat that huffs "Why are there so many people here?"

Are we all on the same page now about it being sunny outside? Have we all figured out that we're not the only clever people that feel sunny days are good for bike riding? Great. I want to kiss all of you on your forehead for sharing this moment with me. Put your vitamin D starved fingers in mine, and we'll move on together to some pointers that will make life easier.

SOME POINTERS FOR THE PHONE:

- I don't know what size of bike you need. The only thing that I can tell over the phone is that you sound fat. I don't care how tall you are. I don't care how long your inseam is. Don't complain to me that you don't want to come ALL THE WAY down to the bike shop to get fitted for a bike. I have two hundred bikes in my inventory. I will find one that fits you. Whether you come from the north or the south, my shop is downhill. Pretend you're going to smell a fart, ball up, and roll your fat ass down here.

- Don't get high and call me. Write it down, call me later. When I have four phone lines ringing, and a herdlet
of people waiting for help, I can't deal with you sitting there "uuuuhhh"-ing and "uuummm"-ing while your brain tries to put together some cheeto-xbox-fixie conundrum. We didn't get disconnected, I left you on hold to figure your shit out.

-I really do need to see your bike to know what is wrong with it. You've already figured out that when you car makes a noise, the mechanic needs to see it. When your TV goes blank, a technician needs to see it. I can tell you, if there is one thing I've learned from you fucking squirrels, it's that "doesn't shift right" means your bike could need a slight cable adjustment, or you might just need to stop backing into it with the Subaru. Bring it in, I'll let you know for sure.

- No, I don't know how much a good bike costs. For some, spending $500 dollars is a kingly sum. For others, $500 won't buy you one good wheel. You really need to have an idea of what you want, because every one of you raccoons "doesn't want to spend too much".

FOR YOU INVENTIVE TYPES AND DO-IT-YOURSELFERS:

- Just because you think is should exist, doesn't mean that it does. I know that to you, a 14 inch quill stem makes perfect sense, but what makes more sense is buying a bike that fits you, not trying to make your mountain bike that was too small for you to begin with into a comfort bike.

- If some twat on some message board somewhere says that you can use the lockring from your bottom bracket as a lockring for a fixie conversion doesn't mean that A: you can, or B: you should. Please listen to me on this stuff, I really do have your best interests at heart.

- I love that you have the enthusiasm to build yourself a recumbent in the off season. That does not mean however, that I share your enthusiasm; ergo I won't do the "final tweaks" for you. You figure out why that Sram shifter and that Shimano rear derailleur don't work together. While we're at it, you recumbent people scare me a little. Don't bring that lumbering fucking thing anywhere near me.

A DEDICATION TO ALL THE HIPSTER DUCHEBAGS:

-If you shitheads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid. Go have an ironic mustache growing contest in front of American Apparel, so that I can continue selling $300 bikes to fatties, which is what keeps the lights on.

- Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good. The reason that no one has ridden that "vintage" Murray is because it's shit. It was shit in the 80's, a trend it carried proudly through the 90's, and rallied with into the '00's. What I mean to say is, no, I can't make it work better. It's still shit, even with more air in the tires.

SO YOU'RE GONNA BUY A BIKE:

Good for you! Biking is awesome. It's easy, it's fun, it's good for you. I want you to bike, I really do. To that end, I am here to help you.

-Your co-worker that's "really into biking" knows fuck all. Stop asking for his advice. He could care less about you having the right bike. He wants to validate his bike purchase(s) through you. He also wants to sleep with you, and wear matching bike shorts with you.

- You're not a triathlete. You're not. If you were, you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- You're not a racer. If you were, I'd know you already, and you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- So you want a bike that you can ride to work, goes really fast, is good for that triathlon you're doing this summer (snicker), is good on trails and mud, and costs less than $300. Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me. What are we even talking about here? Oh yeah. Listen, bikes can be fast, light, cheap and comfortable. Pick two, and we're all good.

ABOUT YOUR KIDS:

Your kids are amazing. Sure are. No one else has kids as smart, able, funny or as good looking as you. Nope. Never see THAT around here.

- I have no idea how long you kid will be able to use this bike. As it seems to me, your precious is a little retarded, and can't even use the damn thing now. More likely, your budding genius is going to leave the bike in the driveway where you will Subaru the bike to death LONG before the nose picker outgrows the bike.

- Stop being so jumpy. I am not a molester. You people REALLY watch too much TV. When I hold the back of the bike while your kid is on it, it's not because I get a thrill from *almost* having my hand on kid butt, it's because kids are unpredictable, and generally take off whenever possible, usually not in the direction you think they might go. Listen, if I were going to do anything bad to your kids, I'd feed them to sharks, because sharks are FUCKING AWESOME.


I hope this helps, and have fun this summer riding your kick-ass bike!

Ross posted this one on FB. Priceless!

Flip it around

Why Superclubs suck

Friday night Jer and I went to Celebrities to catch the Sneaky Sound System show. We got there early (9:45) got our entry stamps and then went over to Numbers for a few drinks. We got back to Celebrities around 11:00 when the lineup was getting genuine, walked in and danced for a couple of hours. The place was packed, but where was the band? Jer was so tired he went home. I escorted him then went back to the bar. The band finally came on at about 1:10. WTF? People were leaving already. This late start was ridiculous. It was a $160 evening and I didn't get anything out of it (except some time with Jer which made it worthwhile!).

I'm not sure if I'll do this type of thing again. Both Celebrities and the Odyssey (where we went Saturday night as Doug was in town) were...meh. I'll stick with the locations I find at least a bit rewarding.

The Soccer Team T-Dance at Soho on Sunday was a blast! I'll definitely hit those events regularly.

Manitoba

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found Him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have You been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made!"

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and asked, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it.

I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a place of great balance.

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hotspot. And over there I've placed a continent of white people, while over here is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Manitoba, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, skies, sunsets and rolling hills. The people from Manitoba are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the dingbats I'm putting around them in Alberta, Saskatchewan, Ontario & Quebec...

Goodbye, GM

by Michael Moore

June 1, 2009

I write this on the morning of the end of the once-mighty General Motors. By high noon, the President of the United States will have made it official: General Motors, as we know it, has been totaled.

As I sit here in GM's birthplace, Flint, Michigan, I am surrounded by friends and family who are filled with anxiety about what will happen to them and to the town. Forty percent of the homes and businesses in the city have been abandoned. Imagine what it would be like if you lived in a city where almost every other house is empty. What would be your state of mind?

It is with sad irony that the company which invented "planned obsolescence" -- the decision to build cars that would fall apart after a few years so that the customer would then have to buy a new one -- has now made itself obsolete. It refused to build automobiles that the public wanted, cars that got great gas mileage, were as safe as they could be, and were exceedingly comfortable to drive. Oh -- and that wouldn't start falling apart after two years. GM stubbornly fought environmental and safety regulations. Its executives arrogantly ignored the "inferior" Japanese and German cars, cars which would become the gold standard for automobile buyers. And it was hell-bent on punishing its unionized workforce, lopping off thousands of workers for no good reason other than to "improve" the short-term bottom line of the corporation. Beginning in the 1980s, when GM was posting record profits, it moved countless jobs to Mexico and elsewhere, thus destroying the lives of tens of thousands of hard-working Americans. The glaring stupidity of this policy was that, when they eliminated the income of so many middle class families, who did they think was going to be able to afford to buy their cars? History will record this blunder in the same way it now writes about the French building the Maginot Line or how the Romans cluelessly poisoned their own water system with lethal lead in its pipes.

So here we are at the deathbed of General Motors. The company's body not yet cold, and I find myself filled with -- dare I say it -- joy. It is not the joy of revenge against a corporation that ruined my hometown and brought misery, divorce, alcoholism, homelessness, physical and mental debilitation, and drug addiction to the people I grew up with. Nor do I, obviously, claim any joy in knowing that 21,000 more GM workers will be told that they, too, are without a job.

But you and I and the rest of America now own a car company! I know, I know -- who on earth wants to run a car company? Who among us wants $50 billion of our tax dollars thrown down the rat hole of still trying to save GM? Let's be clear about this: The only way to save GM is to kill GM. Saving our precious industrial infrastructure, though, is another matter and must be a top priority. If we allow the shutting down and tearing down of our auto plants, we will sorely wish we still had them when we realize that those factories could have built the alternative energy systems we now desperately need. And when we realize that the best way to transport ourselves is on light rail and bullet trains and cleaner buses, how will we do this if we've allowed our industrial capacity and its skilled workforce to disappear?

Thus, as GM is "reorganized" by the federal government and the bankruptcy court, here is the plan I am asking President Obama to implement for the good of the workers, the GM communities, and the nation as a whole. Twenty years ago when I made "Roger & Me," I tried to warn people about what was ahead for General Motors. Had the power structure and the punditocracy listened, maybe much of this could have been avoided. Based on my track record, I request an honest and sincere consideration of the following suggestions:

1. Just as President Roosevelt did after the attack on Pearl Harbor, the President must tell the nation that we are at war and we must immediately convert our auto factories to factories that build mass transit vehicles and alternative energy devices. Within months in Flint in 1942, GM halted all car production and immediately used the assembly lines to build planes, tanks and machine guns. The conversion took no time at all. Everyone pitched in. The fascists were defeated.

We are now in a different kind of war -- a war that we have conducted against the ecosystem and has been conducted by our very own corporate leaders. This current war has two fronts. One is headquartered in Detroit. The products built in the factories of GM, Ford and Chrysler are some of the greatest weapons of mass destruction responsible for global warming and the melting of our polar icecaps. The things we call "cars" may have been fun to drive, but they are like a million daggers into the heart of Mother Nature. To continue to build them would only lead to the ruin of our species and much of the planet.

The other front in this war is being waged by the oil companies against you and me. They are committed to fleecing us whenever they can, and they have been reckless stewards of the finite amount of oil that is located under the surface of the earth. They know they are sucking it bone dry. And like the lumber tycoons of the early 20th century who didn't give a damn about future generations as they tore down every forest they could get their hands on, these oil barons are not telling the public what they know to be true -- that there are only a few more decades of useable oil on this planet. And as the end days of oil approach us, get ready for some very desperate people willing to kill and be killed just to get their hands on a gallon can of gasoline.

President Obama, now that he has taken control of GM, needs to convert the factories to new and needed uses immediately.

2. Don't put another $30 billion into the coffers of GM to build cars. Instead, use that money to keep the current workforce -- and most of those who have been laid off -- employed so that they can build the new modes of 21st century transportation. Let them start the conversion work now.

3. Announce that we will have bullet trains criss-crossing this country in the next five years. Japan is celebrating the 45th anniversary of its first bullet train this year. Now they have dozens of them. Average speed: 165 mph. Average time a train is late: under 30 seconds. They have had these high speed trains for nearly five decades -- and we don't even have one! The fact that the technology already exists for us to go from New York to L.A. in 17 hours by train, and that we haven't used it, is criminal. Let's hire the unemployed to build the new high speed lines all over the country. Chicago to Detroit in less than two hours. Miami to DC in under 7 hours. Denver to Dallas in five and a half. This can be done and done now.

4. Initiate a program to put light rail mass transit lines in all our large and medium-sized cities. Build those trains in the GM factories. And hire local people everywhere to install and run this system.

5. For people in rural areas not served by the train lines, have the GM plants produce energy efficient clean buses.

6. For the time being, have some factories build hybrid or all-electric cars (and batteries). It will take a few years for people to get used to the new ways to transport ourselves, so if we're going to have automobiles, let's have kinder, gentler ones. We can be building these next month (do not believe anyone who tells you it will take years to retool the factories -- that simply isn't true).

7. Transform some of the empty GM factories to facilities that build windmills, solar panels and other means of alternate forms of energy. We need tens of millions of solar panels right now. And there is an eager and skilled workforce who can build them.

8. Provide tax incentives for those who travel by hybrid car or bus or train. Also, credits for those who convert their home to alternative energy.

9. To help pay for this, impose a two-dollar tax on every gallon of gasoline. This will get people to switch to more energy saving cars or to use the new rail lines and rail cars the former autoworkers have built for them.

Well, that's a start. Please, please, please don't save GM so that a smaller version of it will simply do nothing more than build Chevys or Cadillacs. This is not a long-term solution. Don't throw bad money into a company whose tailpipe is malfunctioning, causing a strange odor to fill the car.

100 years ago this year, the founders of General Motors convinced the world to give up their horses and saddles and buggy whips to try a new form of transportation. Now it is time for us to say goodbye to the internal combustion engine. It seemed to serve us well for so long. We enjoyed the car hops at the A&W. We made out in the front -- and the back -- seat. We watched movies on large outdoor screens, went to the races at NASCAR tracks across the country, and saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time through the window down Hwy. 1. And now it's over. It's a new day and a new century. The President -- and the UAW -- must seize this moment and create a big batch of lemonade from this very sour and sad lemon.

Yesterday, the last surviving person from the Titanic disaster passed away. She escaped certain death that night and went on to live another 97 years.

So can we survive our own Titanic in all the Flint Michigans of this country. 60% of GM is ours. I think we can do a better job.

Yours,
Michael Moore

Soon-to-be crazy person

UK frets over Susan Boyle's talent-show finale

By RAPHAEL G. SATTER

LONDON (AP) — Britain and the YouTube-watching world is fretting over the pressure being piled on a Scottish songstress as her final test approaches.

Susan Boyle's big finale in a TV talent show contest won't come until Saturday. But the country is buzzing with concern over whether the 48-year-old church volunteer's nerves will rob her of the victory many feel she deserves.

"Britain's Got Talent," the venue for Boyle's unlikely success, did nothing to dampen the hysteria, with one judge going on national television to say Boyle was so upset by the superheated media coverage she had packed her bags and threatened to quit.

But on Friday her spokeswoman confirmed the final would go ahead as planned.

Boyle became a favorite to win the competition almost immediately after her first appearance, early last month. Her frumpy appearance drew looks of disbelief from the television audience, but her voice silenced the doubters — and turned her into an Internet star.

Her life story — she cared for her widowed mother for years and said she'd never been kissed — also helped win over the world's media.

Boyle has not performed since Sunday, when she made it through to the finals. But that hasn't kept her off Britain's front pages: "Boyling Point," was the Daily Mirror's headline Friday. "Susan Axe Threat," claimed The Sun. "Fears For TV Talent Star Susan," the Daily Express warned.

Concerns have been sparked by reports of erratic behavior. Boyle lost her cool after being harassed by a pair of journalists outside her London hotel Wednesday, her spokeswoman said, speaking on condition of anonymity because she represents all the contestants.

Earlier, a media report claimed that witnesses saw Boyle make an obscene gesture at a hotel television set when judge Piers Morgan lavished praise on fellow contestant Shaheen Jafargholi, 12, during another semifinal broadcast.

Morgan, himself a former tabloid editor, took to the airwaves and the Internet to defend the singer.

"Susan Boyle has never experienced anything like this and is like a frightened rabbit in headlights," Morgan wrote on his blog Thursday. "I am calling today for everyone to just give her a break."

Others in the media raised concerns that Boyle, who had learning difficulties when she was younger and was bullied by other children, was in for a ride too rough for her to handle.

David Wilson, who served as a psychologist on "Big Brother" — a British reality television series routinely accused of being exploitative and crass — said "Britain's Got Talent" made the other show look saintly by comparison.

Boyle was "a psychological lamb to the slaughter," he wrote in The Daily Mail.

Boyle's spokeswoman said the newly minted star was getting the support she needed from the show's producers.

And Morgan, writing on his blog Friday, assured readers that Boyle was "one tough lady who has had to fight since the day she was born, and there is no way she's going to quit now as some of the papers seem to be suggesting, trust me."

Happy Birthday Kylie!!!

Today is Kylie Minogue's birthday.