04 January 2010
23 December 2009
Penance
It is disturbing how this year and decade has been ending on such a sour note for so many people. My partner was admitted into the hospital yesterday and will be spending Christmas there. I left the hospital yesterday evening and was running to our apartments picking stuff up and dropping stuff off when I ran into our friends D and I.
I went out for a quick bit of sushi with them and gave them the update on what has been going on. They had several incredibly disturbing stories from the weekend they had to share as well. D is convinced that The Higher Power is kicking us all in the ass right now as penance for our excess, selfishness and lack of stewardship over the past ten years. I can only hope that we will act more mature in the next ten and 2019 ends on a high note.
If you are having a blue Christmas, stay positive and appreciate the wonderful things in you have in your life. They are fragile and precious; just realize how things can flip topsy-turvy on you in a moment and those things can be gone. Nothing is more important than family and friends. Let them know at this time how special and impactful they are on your life. Appreciate all that you've accomplished and the things you've been able to do and experience that so many other people in the world have never nor ever will have the opportunity to do, see and feel. We're so very blessed in the developed world and most of the time don't even stop to marvel at how bloody lucky we are that we were born to the right people at the right place at the right time.
Please say a prayer for my M. I love him so much and my only wish for Christmas is for him to get better soon and come home.
I went out for a quick bit of sushi with them and gave them the update on what has been going on. They had several incredibly disturbing stories from the weekend they had to share as well. D is convinced that The Higher Power is kicking us all in the ass right now as penance for our excess, selfishness and lack of stewardship over the past ten years. I can only hope that we will act more mature in the next ten and 2019 ends on a high note.
If you are having a blue Christmas, stay positive and appreciate the wonderful things in you have in your life. They are fragile and precious; just realize how things can flip topsy-turvy on you in a moment and those things can be gone. Nothing is more important than family and friends. Let them know at this time how special and impactful they are on your life. Appreciate all that you've accomplished and the things you've been able to do and experience that so many other people in the world have never nor ever will have the opportunity to do, see and feel. We're so very blessed in the developed world and most of the time don't even stop to marvel at how bloody lucky we are that we were born to the right people at the right place at the right time.
Please say a prayer for my M. I love him so much and my only wish for Christmas is for him to get better soon and come home.
18 December 2009
Oh no! It's the "Top 10 Best/Worst (insert topic) of (insert year)" time again!!
Gods, how I hate the incessant need to do end-of-year compilations of the 'best of' by so-called 'experts' in so-called 'disciplines'. Especially in the arts. I mean, how big of an attention-whore are you?
"I'm a loser and I watch movies/game/listen to music 25 hours a day, therefore I have a duty to inform you, oh, of the untalented, film-school dropout/carpal tunnel/tone-deaf horde, what was the best and worst of this year. I am divine, I am god."
- umm, it's quite likely your opinion has always sucked, in my opinion.
And on and on...movies, music, performing arts, quotations, celebrity scandals, world events, political moments, sports, and on and on...
Hey, guess what? You have tastes and opinions, I have taste and opinions. You may or may not agree with me and I may or may not agree with you. Leave it at that, and shut up. I'll continue to enjoy my personal best of/worst of without an influence from you and your ilk, with this egotistical need to tell me what's right/wrong with what I like and what interests me. You're an idiot and insulting to my intelligence.
Now, here's my top 10 of 2009.....
"I'm a loser and I watch movies/game/listen to music 25 hours a day, therefore I have a duty to inform you, oh, of the untalented, film-school dropout/carpal tunnel/tone-deaf horde, what was the best and worst of this year. I am divine, I am god."
- umm, it's quite likely your opinion has always sucked, in my opinion.
And on and on...movies, music, performing arts, quotations, celebrity scandals, world events, political moments, sports, and on and on...
Hey, guess what? You have tastes and opinions, I have taste and opinions. You may or may not agree with me and I may or may not agree with you. Leave it at that, and shut up. I'll continue to enjoy my personal best of/worst of without an influence from you and your ilk, with this egotistical need to tell me what's right/wrong with what I like and what interests me. You're an idiot and insulting to my intelligence.
Now, here's my top 10 of 2009.....
15 December 2009
DOOMED! DOOOOOMED!
What a joke. Meh, we had a good run...hopefully the next iteration of dominant species on the planet has a more intelligent go of it....in another 50 million years or so when the oil reserves are replenished with the remnants of industrial human society -- oh, the irony! ;P
I'm laying bets nothing definitive will come out of Copenhagen, which means it'll be another 10 or 15 years before the collective get together again for two weeks of chattering, wining and dining. Canada couldn't even come close to keeping gas levels at Kyoto Protocol-agreed levels (we're, like, 26% above 1990 levels or something when we are supposed to be at -5% levels or something???). There has been no dispute in the belief among climate science and bio-systems academic circles for a decade now that anthropomorphic climate change is real and that temperatures are rising. Yet, here we are.
ROTFLMAO
what a bunch of maroons...we deserve everything we get. As with everyone else, I'm planning to burn up as much as I possibly can now before it's unaffordable and I have to start growing gardens of food by hand again. Sooner it's gone the better...let's get this shitshow on the road. Laissez les bons temps rouler.
Recent polls have shown that belief in global warming is waning.
Last month, Cardiff University found an increasing number of Britons are becoming more sceptical about climate change.
It found that 29 per cent believe the threat has been exaggerated – compared to just 15 per cent five years ago. One in five are hardened sceptics who believe manmade global warming is a myth. In the U.S. polls have shown that nearly half of Americans no longer believe in global warming.
Only 57 per cent of Americans agree that world temperatures are rising, while just one in three believes humans are causing climate change, the survey carried out by the Pew Research Centre based in Washington showed.
Andrew Kohut, director of the think tank, said: ‘The priority given to environmental concerns and other issues is down because of the economy and the focus on other things.
I'm laying bets nothing definitive will come out of Copenhagen, which means it'll be another 10 or 15 years before the collective get together again for two weeks of chattering, wining and dining. Canada couldn't even come close to keeping gas levels at Kyoto Protocol-agreed levels (we're, like, 26% above 1990 levels or something when we are supposed to be at -5% levels or something???). There has been no dispute in the belief among climate science and bio-systems academic circles for a decade now that anthropomorphic climate change is real and that temperatures are rising. Yet, here we are.
ROTFLMAO
what a bunch of maroons...we deserve everything we get. As with everyone else, I'm planning to burn up as much as I possibly can now before it's unaffordable and I have to start growing gardens of food by hand again. Sooner it's gone the better...let's get this shitshow on the road. Laissez les bons temps rouler.
08 December 2009
ClimateGate and perspectives on scientific method, Or, What, me worry???
Exerpt from "Climate, Oil, War and Money"
Response by cougar:
The fabrication involved in ClimateGate is that there is a ClimateGate.
This was about the process of deciding what papers would be included in the IPCC report, and on what grounds they might not be. Some were marked for non-inclusion because they would be taken out of context by the deny-o-sphere to damage the IPCC report as a whole. The papers were eventually included anyway but that there was ever a discussion on the topic is illustrative.
Climate scientists have been badly burned by the professional deny-o-sphere and the corporate and government demagogues they serve. Climate scientists are now gun-shy. They see their work and their reputations dragged over broken glass for the profit of a few. It happened with the tobacco "debate" and it's happening again with climate research, and we all know how this movie ends and nobody likes it.
Climate scientists would need to be insane to *happily* continue to leave themselves open to random and baseless attacks simply because their observations and recommendations run contrary to the will of the majority. They continue to do so only because they are compelled. That compulsion ought to count for something, but clearly it does not, and they will continue to be slaughtered in the press for simply saying what is true within the context of climate research and their growing understanding of how the universe operates.
On honest reflection it might be that science is even dead, killed at the altar of corporate profits and mindless BAU, and has been for a long time. If so, then so be it. I say this as a scientist myself. If my practice is destroyed, I can do other things. Actually I can survive just fine as I have many fine skills outside investigations and data analysis. The goal of science always was to inform the interactions between humankind and the universe, but if that is no longer valued and is seen even as suspect or fraudulent... then we can probably do without it. Perhaps we have learned all we will ever know about the universe and anything more is too much information. The world used to be simpler and people lived and died (and suffered) without knowing why things were the way they were. Maybe that was a good thing. When troubles mount the people can turn to religion and mob violence -- as always they did before -- and over time reduce to a period reminiscent of the Middle Ages.
This is probably fine, and in any case may be inevitable. I don't think I can allow myself to have a problem with that if that is how the majority of the people want it to be.
Oh, but destroying climate science won't automagically restore gasoline supplies at $.17 a gallon. Everyone needs to understand that going back means having less, or even having nothing. But in fairness most won't know where the oil disappeared to, why the climate is changing, why they have less security this year than least year (every single year) or why much of anything else is happening.
But they'll be happier for not knowing. I think.
Though I don't pretend to understand that.
cougar
Response from Keithishere:
we have gone from morons to knuckleheads but I'm thinking JK's clueless is the most appropriate moniker of all.
I'm one of the old time faithful who would be proud to wear a 'peaker' T-shirt but I would seriously think twice about taking the effort to put one on.
Nobody cares because there is no benefit in accepting reality. People believe what they want to and in what benefits them. They don't care about what is really true.
Caring about truth and caring about others outside ones own tribe are acquired skills. It really is too much to expect clueless knucklehead morons to accept reality unless it feels good to them or something else is in it for them. To expect more from uneducated cheese-puff munching masses and their cheerleaders is irrational and ignores human nature.
Talk about the sky falling all we wish, it won't matter to a knucklehead until he/she gets hit on the head with a big chunk of blue.
The truth is out there and has been for years now. History is proving that people won't look for or accept inconvenient truths until they have suffered personal negative consequences. This is a truth that playing out right now.
Climate change is an inconvenient truth but it pales next to the inconvenient truth of resource depletion and it's inevitable consequences.
But knuckleheads won't accept reality until a die-off is well under way. But it won't matter then if climate change is true or not. All a good knucklehead will be caring about are selfish needs and survival.
Sorry to be so inconvenient but its not a matter of clarification explanation or persuasion. You can lead a knucklehead to the waters of knowledge but you can't make him think.
I wish it were not so.
"Against a greater welter and flow of incoherence jerking the nation this way and that way en route to collapse comes "ClimateGate," the latest excuse for screaming knuckleheads to defend what has already been lost. It is also yet another distraction from the emergency agenda that the United States faces - namely the urgent re-scaling, re-localizing, and de-globalizing of our daily activities.
What seems to be at stake for the knuckleheads is their identity, their idea of what it means to be an American, which boils down to being an organism so specially blessed and entitled that it is excused from paying attention to reality. There were no doubt plenty of counterparts among the Mayans when the weather changed and their crops failed, and certainly the Romans had their share of identity psychotics who doubted reality even when Alaric the Visigoth was hoisting off their household treasure."
Response by cougar:
The fabrication involved in ClimateGate is that there is a ClimateGate.
This was about the process of deciding what papers would be included in the IPCC report, and on what grounds they might not be. Some were marked for non-inclusion because they would be taken out of context by the deny-o-sphere to damage the IPCC report as a whole. The papers were eventually included anyway but that there was ever a discussion on the topic is illustrative.
Climate scientists have been badly burned by the professional deny-o-sphere and the corporate and government demagogues they serve. Climate scientists are now gun-shy. They see their work and their reputations dragged over broken glass for the profit of a few. It happened with the tobacco "debate" and it's happening again with climate research, and we all know how this movie ends and nobody likes it.
Climate scientists would need to be insane to *happily* continue to leave themselves open to random and baseless attacks simply because their observations and recommendations run contrary to the will of the majority. They continue to do so only because they are compelled. That compulsion ought to count for something, but clearly it does not, and they will continue to be slaughtered in the press for simply saying what is true within the context of climate research and their growing understanding of how the universe operates.
On honest reflection it might be that science is even dead, killed at the altar of corporate profits and mindless BAU, and has been for a long time. If so, then so be it. I say this as a scientist myself. If my practice is destroyed, I can do other things. Actually I can survive just fine as I have many fine skills outside investigations and data analysis. The goal of science always was to inform the interactions between humankind and the universe, but if that is no longer valued and is seen even as suspect or fraudulent... then we can probably do without it. Perhaps we have learned all we will ever know about the universe and anything more is too much information. The world used to be simpler and people lived and died (and suffered) without knowing why things were the way they were. Maybe that was a good thing. When troubles mount the people can turn to religion and mob violence -- as always they did before -- and over time reduce to a period reminiscent of the Middle Ages.
This is probably fine, and in any case may be inevitable. I don't think I can allow myself to have a problem with that if that is how the majority of the people want it to be.
Oh, but destroying climate science won't automagically restore gasoline supplies at $.17 a gallon. Everyone needs to understand that going back means having less, or even having nothing. But in fairness most won't know where the oil disappeared to, why the climate is changing, why they have less security this year than least year (every single year) or why much of anything else is happening.
But they'll be happier for not knowing. I think.
Though I don't pretend to understand that.
cougar
Response from Keithishere:
we have gone from morons to knuckleheads but I'm thinking JK's clueless is the most appropriate moniker of all.
I'm one of the old time faithful who would be proud to wear a 'peaker' T-shirt but I would seriously think twice about taking the effort to put one on.
Nobody cares because there is no benefit in accepting reality. People believe what they want to and in what benefits them. They don't care about what is really true.
Caring about truth and caring about others outside ones own tribe are acquired skills. It really is too much to expect clueless knucklehead morons to accept reality unless it feels good to them or something else is in it for them. To expect more from uneducated cheese-puff munching masses and their cheerleaders is irrational and ignores human nature.
Talk about the sky falling all we wish, it won't matter to a knucklehead until he/she gets hit on the head with a big chunk of blue.
The truth is out there and has been for years now. History is proving that people won't look for or accept inconvenient truths until they have suffered personal negative consequences. This is a truth that playing out right now.
Climate change is an inconvenient truth but it pales next to the inconvenient truth of resource depletion and it's inevitable consequences.
But knuckleheads won't accept reality until a die-off is well under way. But it won't matter then if climate change is true or not. All a good knucklehead will be caring about are selfish needs and survival.
Sorry to be so inconvenient but its not a matter of clarification explanation or persuasion. You can lead a knucklehead to the waters of knowledge but you can't make him think.
I wish it were not so.
07 December 2009
Lemmings
As much as I'd like to rant right now about my first two weeks dealing with Translink and public transit in general, I'd like to rant instead about the lemmings that use the system every day. Despite all intentions to maintain a civil society, some units in the machine will do anything (or maybe that should be 'do nothing'?) to ensure we can demonstrate having no intelligence whatsoever as a group. There is no better place for us to collectively look like morons more than on public transit.
The Broadway-Commercial interchange on the Skytrain system is wicked enough just the way it is...a complete bottleneck, however the eastbound Millennium Line train causes even more problems when it doesn't come. Twice in the past week, the service has knocked out a couple of trains heading eastbound. Of course, the ones that did come from VCC-Clark were only double cars. By that time, the crowd has ballooned in size to double what it should be as the train comes on its 15-minute interval so everyone is sardined in the cabs once loaded.
But this morning, several test trains came through and announcements on the intercom very clearly stated that the next trains were out of service trains and shouldn't be boarded. What happens? The trains arrive, and EVERYONE clamours on! Once on, the soothing intercom voice says once again, "this is an out of service train, please get off". Everyone gets off again, completely packed against the yellow security lines waiting for the next operational train. Then one comes, and the Voice of Reason comes on the intercom again, "there is another train immediately after this one", and should have continued, "...so there is no reason for everyone to pack on the first train". No matter, everyone packs on the train anyways, apparently overjoyed about the prospect of rubbing up against all the other lemmings packed into the cars.
It was a wonderful example of our lemmingness. And it was almost as fun as my transit party at the corner of Hastings and Willingdon on Friday evening, but that's another rant for another day...
The Broadway-Commercial interchange on the Skytrain system is wicked enough just the way it is...a complete bottleneck, however the eastbound Millennium Line train causes even more problems when it doesn't come. Twice in the past week, the service has knocked out a couple of trains heading eastbound. Of course, the ones that did come from VCC-Clark were only double cars. By that time, the crowd has ballooned in size to double what it should be as the train comes on its 15-minute interval so everyone is sardined in the cabs once loaded.
But this morning, several test trains came through and announcements on the intercom very clearly stated that the next trains were out of service trains and shouldn't be boarded. What happens? The trains arrive, and EVERYONE clamours on! Once on, the soothing intercom voice says once again, "this is an out of service train, please get off". Everyone gets off again, completely packed against the yellow security lines waiting for the next operational train. Then one comes, and the Voice of Reason comes on the intercom again, "there is another train immediately after this one", and should have continued, "...so there is no reason for everyone to pack on the first train". No matter, everyone packs on the train anyways, apparently overjoyed about the prospect of rubbing up against all the other lemmings packed into the cars.
It was a wonderful example of our lemmingness. And it was almost as fun as my transit party at the corner of Hastings and Willingdon on Friday evening, but that's another rant for another day...
23 November 2009
The Theoretical Truth
"IF YOU LOCK THREE ECONOMISTS IN THE BASEMENT, THEY WON'T WORRY ABOUT STARVING - BECAUSE THEY THEY KNOW THEIR GRUMBLING BELLIES WILL CAUSE SANDWICHES TO APPEAR."
- Chris Martenson, 2009 ASPO Conference
24 October 2009
Because Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!
Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them
in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?
Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big
country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Calgary. Come naked.
Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll
send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I
sell it in Canada?(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a
kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone
walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine
before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Love this collection. Thanks Mali Na! ;)
Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them
in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?
Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big
country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Calgary. Come naked.
Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll
send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I
sell it in Canada?(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a
kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone
walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine
before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Love this collection. Thanks Mali Na! ;)
16 September 2009
Holy crapola!
It's been forever since I posted here - for multiple reasons (or excuses) - including, um, summer, boys, travel, focusing on the other blogs and Facebook instead, summer, boys, travel...
I skitted home for a week at the end of June for my mom and dad's 40th wedding anniversary just as the heat wave was warming up in BC, jumped to Montreal for August long weekend just as the heat wave peaked and British Columbia was seemingly entirely on fire, and just got back from a long weekend in Los Angeles visiting friends during a party weekend event over yet-another-missed-in-Vancouver long weekend. In between all that I've been trying to work, look for new work, meet people in my new city, and host a lot of old friends coming through Vancouver on vacation from points east. All in all it's been a crazy busy summer and not-so-surprisingly it has sort of blown by.
I have been keeping up pretty good cycling and running form this summer, doing lots of climbing in North Vancouver. The cycling highlight of the summer was definitely the climb day up Mount Baker in Washington State. Hard to believe that the track cycling season here starts in a couple of weeks. It boils down to a very different racing schedule than what I've become accustomed to over the past decade. I'm really looking forward to racing indoors over the winter though....should be a lot of fun to meet an entirely new group of people....well, not entirely new. There are a lot of ex-Alberta pats out on the wet coast, so it seems.
I'm flying to Toronto over the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend to catch the Kylie Minogue concert. I've been a huge fan since the 80s and almost herniated when I found out she was finally touring North America for the first time. Despite her relative low-letter-list status here, she still has lots of die-hard fans here and they have filled most of the dates on her six-city tour. There are still tickets available for Toronto though, so it is not sold out yet.
It was only by accident that I decided to go to Toronto. Other options were L.A., Las Vegas and Chicago, but none of the dates really fell anywhere that I would be able to integrate a minimal number of vacation days in order to get a reasonable number of days away. Toronto was the option that looked best. It was only after I bought the concert and flight tickets and talked to friends in Montreal that I realized it was also Thanksgiving long weekend...which also means....Black & Blue weekend in Montreal! Yipe! Too much suddenly going on. I ran into my friend Paul from Toronto while in Montreal and he informed me about the tentative itinerary for the long weekend, which I anxiously wanted to be a part of. Hopefully that all works out.
Air Canada had a kickass seat sale on a couple of months ago where I managed to get the flights from Vancouver to Toronto and return for $380.....super cheap. At the same time I booked my flight back to Calgary for family Xmas in November for $230. Super cheap.
Unfortunately the American destinations did not come across as cheap. I had to pay more for the Vancouver - Los Angeles flights than I wanted to (with disgusting flight times and transfers as a result of still trying to book as cheap a flight as possible). For the Chicago trip in November, I decided just to use Aeroplan miles. $80 instead of $750, yeah I can dig it.
So what's on the travel agendy for 2009? Time will tell. I already have some obligations to get down to Seattle and Portland ASAP, Palm Springs at the beginning of February, Phoenix and Houston/Rio Grande Valley around the same time, Chicago in the spring, in addition to the big Tour of Germany (Frankfurt-Cologne-Dusseldorf-Amsterdam-Hamburg-Berlin-Prague-Vienna-Munich-Frankfurt) I would like to do coinciding with the Gay Games in August next year. Of course this all hinges on where exactly I'll be working in 2010. My current role is done at the end of October and I am sort of hoping not to get a renewal so I can get a package and embark on a new path with a new organization. I guess we'll what happens soon enough.
If the job market isn't looking that stellar at that time, I'm planning to do some skill upgrading in January/February for Sharepoint/MOSS 2007 Administration, and maybe, just maybe, keep my options open to be available for the Winter Olympics in February/March.
On top of that, I'm dating a wonderful guy. We're spending inordinate amounts of time trying to figure each other out, which is leading to a lot of days of exhaustion, but smiles on our faces. We'll see how this all develops, so far so good.
Anyhoo, just wanted to put some filler in here. Not sure when I'll next post, but FB is where I am most of the time now. Plus some of my other blogs garner a lot more traffic and interest from me.
I skitted home for a week at the end of June for my mom and dad's 40th wedding anniversary just as the heat wave was warming up in BC, jumped to Montreal for August long weekend just as the heat wave peaked and British Columbia was seemingly entirely on fire, and just got back from a long weekend in Los Angeles visiting friends during a party weekend event over yet-another-missed-in-Vancouver long weekend. In between all that I've been trying to work, look for new work, meet people in my new city, and host a lot of old friends coming through Vancouver on vacation from points east. All in all it's been a crazy busy summer and not-so-surprisingly it has sort of blown by.
I have been keeping up pretty good cycling and running form this summer, doing lots of climbing in North Vancouver. The cycling highlight of the summer was definitely the climb day up Mount Baker in Washington State. Hard to believe that the track cycling season here starts in a couple of weeks. It boils down to a very different racing schedule than what I've become accustomed to over the past decade. I'm really looking forward to racing indoors over the winter though....should be a lot of fun to meet an entirely new group of people....well, not entirely new. There are a lot of ex-Alberta pats out on the wet coast, so it seems.
I'm flying to Toronto over the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend to catch the Kylie Minogue concert. I've been a huge fan since the 80s and almost herniated when I found out she was finally touring North America for the first time. Despite her relative low-letter-list status here, she still has lots of die-hard fans here and they have filled most of the dates on her six-city tour. There are still tickets available for Toronto though, so it is not sold out yet.
It was only by accident that I decided to go to Toronto. Other options were L.A., Las Vegas and Chicago, but none of the dates really fell anywhere that I would be able to integrate a minimal number of vacation days in order to get a reasonable number of days away. Toronto was the option that looked best. It was only after I bought the concert and flight tickets and talked to friends in Montreal that I realized it was also Thanksgiving long weekend...which also means....Black & Blue weekend in Montreal! Yipe! Too much suddenly going on. I ran into my friend Paul from Toronto while in Montreal and he informed me about the tentative itinerary for the long weekend, which I anxiously wanted to be a part of. Hopefully that all works out.
Air Canada had a kickass seat sale on a couple of months ago where I managed to get the flights from Vancouver to Toronto and return for $380.....super cheap. At the same time I booked my flight back to Calgary for family Xmas in November for $230. Super cheap.
Unfortunately the American destinations did not come across as cheap. I had to pay more for the Vancouver - Los Angeles flights than I wanted to (with disgusting flight times and transfers as a result of still trying to book as cheap a flight as possible). For the Chicago trip in November, I decided just to use Aeroplan miles. $80 instead of $750, yeah I can dig it.
So what's on the travel agendy for 2009? Time will tell. I already have some obligations to get down to Seattle and Portland ASAP, Palm Springs at the beginning of February, Phoenix and Houston/Rio Grande Valley around the same time, Chicago in the spring, in addition to the big Tour of Germany (Frankfurt-Cologne-Dusseldorf-Amsterdam-Hamburg-Berlin-Prague-Vienna-Munich-Frankfurt) I would like to do coinciding with the Gay Games in August next year. Of course this all hinges on where exactly I'll be working in 2010. My current role is done at the end of October and I am sort of hoping not to get a renewal so I can get a package and embark on a new path with a new organization. I guess we'll what happens soon enough.
If the job market isn't looking that stellar at that time, I'm planning to do some skill upgrading in January/February for Sharepoint/MOSS 2007 Administration, and maybe, just maybe, keep my options open to be available for the Winter Olympics in February/March.
On top of that, I'm dating a wonderful guy. We're spending inordinate amounts of time trying to figure each other out, which is leading to a lot of days of exhaustion, but smiles on our faces. We'll see how this all develops, so far so good.
Anyhoo, just wanted to put some filler in here. Not sure when I'll next post, but FB is where I am most of the time now. Plus some of my other blogs garner a lot more traffic and interest from me.
30 July 2009
*Ugh*
Vancouver registers hottest day on record as BC is hit with heat wave
By The Canadian Press
VANCOUVER, B.C. - The city of Vancouver has registered its hottest day on record.
Environment Canada says a temperature of 33.8 C was recorded at Vancouver airport on Wednesday, shattering the previous high of 33.3 C that was set in 1960. "A very strong ridge of high pressure is currently dominating all of B.C.," said Gary Dickinson, a meteorologist with Environment Canada.
"The ridge of high pressure also brought up from the south very warm air, which was responsible for the record-breaking temperatures."
And Dickinson says Vancouver wasn't the only city to record its hottest day ever.
"Abbotsford beat their all-time record as well. The previous record was 37.9 C and they reached 38.0 C," he said.
A number of municipalities throughout the province set daily records.
Victoria reached 35.0 C, besting the old mark of 31.1 C.
Port Alberni hit 40.0 C, with the previous record being 37.8 C.
And Bella Coola reached 41.2 C, bettering the previous high of 34.3 C that was set in 1898.
Dickinson says the sweltering weather is something British Columbians, some of whom are uncharacteristically hoping for rain, will have to get used to over the coming days.
"The ridge of high pressure responsible for the warm temperatures will continue to hold over the province for the remainder of the week and going into the weekend," he said.
"The temperatures will gradually cool over the course of the weekend."
The high temperatures have brought with them an air quality advisory for Metro Vancouver and the Fraser Valley.
By The Canadian Press
VANCOUVER, B.C. - The city of Vancouver has registered its hottest day on record.
Environment Canada says a temperature of 33.8 C was recorded at Vancouver airport on Wednesday, shattering the previous high of 33.3 C that was set in 1960. "A very strong ridge of high pressure is currently dominating all of B.C.," said Gary Dickinson, a meteorologist with Environment Canada.
"The ridge of high pressure also brought up from the south very warm air, which was responsible for the record-breaking temperatures."
And Dickinson says Vancouver wasn't the only city to record its hottest day ever.
"Abbotsford beat their all-time record as well. The previous record was 37.9 C and they reached 38.0 C," he said.
A number of municipalities throughout the province set daily records.
Victoria reached 35.0 C, besting the old mark of 31.1 C.
Port Alberni hit 40.0 C, with the previous record being 37.8 C.
And Bella Coola reached 41.2 C, bettering the previous high of 34.3 C that was set in 1898.
Dickinson says the sweltering weather is something British Columbians, some of whom are uncharacteristically hoping for rain, will have to get used to over the coming days.
"The ridge of high pressure responsible for the warm temperatures will continue to hold over the province for the remainder of the week and going into the weekend," he said.
"The temperatures will gradually cool over the course of the weekend."
The high temperatures have brought with them an air quality advisory for Metro Vancouver and the Fraser Valley.
27 July 2009
"Oh, they're just that way"
Here's a strange Canadian phenomenon that needs discussing - Torontonianism. It's the strange affliction any native or former Torontonians have with their intense need and desire to frame the reference of ANY topic of conversation into such a way that Toronto is involved and whatever it is you're discussing happens more profoundly there.
The most recent example of this was on Saturday evening. The lightning storms were sweeping into the Lower Mainland. The conversation obviously went to the rarity of lightning storms on the West Coast, however the former Torontonian of the group had to pipe up how much more intense the storms are in Toronto. I had to channel all the power in me to bite my lip. First of all, this guy's been in Vancouver for 15 years -- give up the Torontonianism already! Secondly, has he ever seen Prairie storms before? Oh yeah, right, no. Toronto is the only place in the country that gets intense summer storms, I guess.
I think we need to start up a foundation that will help all these hapless Torontonians to break their addiction to Toronto. It's there and by christ it's awesome! We get it, okay?
The most recent example of this was on Saturday evening. The lightning storms were sweeping into the Lower Mainland. The conversation obviously went to the rarity of lightning storms on the West Coast, however the former Torontonian of the group had to pipe up how much more intense the storms are in Toronto. I had to channel all the power in me to bite my lip. First of all, this guy's been in Vancouver for 15 years -- give up the Torontonianism already! Secondly, has he ever seen Prairie storms before? Oh yeah, right, no. Toronto is the only place in the country that gets intense summer storms, I guess.
I think we need to start up a foundation that will help all these hapless Torontonians to break their addiction to Toronto. It's there and by christ it's awesome! We get it, okay?
23 July 2009
Celebration of Light: Night One
Crowds cheer fireworks wizardry at Celebration of Light
By David Karp, Vancouver Sun
July 23, 2009 8:31 AM
VANCOUVER — Spectators whistled and cheered, aiming their cellphones and digital cameras at the sky as Canada launched this year’s fireworks competition with a spectacular burst of colour and pyrotechnics over English Bay.
“It’s awesome — bright colours — it’s mesmerizing. It just gives you a good feeling,” said Cathy Cardoza, who was visiting from San Francisco. “It’s longer and fuller [than Fourth of July] fireworks in San Francisco. There is more fullness in these fireworks. It’s not just one at a time.”
Overall, she said: “It made our vacation.”
An enormous crowd turned out for the show, and Davie Street was jammed with people trying to work their way toward the beach just before it began.
Canada, which is trying for a third straight victory in the annual HSBC Celebration of Light event, put on a Wizard of Oz-themed show titled No Place Like Home.
The music accompanying the show was from the Wizard of Oz, with the finale song Somewhere Over the Rainbow, accompanied by a spectacular rainbow of fireworks.
Earlier, the president of Winnipeg’s Archangel Fireworks Inc., which put on Canada’s show, said he was saving the best for the 12-second finale.
“The finale’s a nice size this year,” said Kelly Guille. “I don’t really want to ruin it.”
As for the rest of the show: “I’m shooting to the Wizard of Oz original soundtrack, trying to evoke the emotion of the story in the scenes of the fireworks.”
Guille said he has been preparing for the show since November. It took 12 people three days just to set up the 25-minute performance, which included roughly 3,000 fireworks.
Many people staked out spots on the beach hours before the fireworks began.
Among them was Vancouverite Darren Childs, a fireworks aficionado who has missed only three performances since the annual Vancouver event began.
Childs, who uses a wheelchair, arrived at 5 p.m. to claim a place by the inukshuk on English Bay, bypassing his normal spot in the wheelchair seating area on top of the English Bay bathhouse.
“I kind of like it because you are part of the people,” said Childs. “It’s a lot more fun being part of the festivities right on the beach.”
The next fireworks event is Saturday, when South Africa puts on a show, followed by the United Kingdom next Wednesday and China on Aug. 1.
dkarp@vancouversun.com
20 July 2009
Raindrops
The vid for Basement Jaxx' new single, "Raindrops" is out now. I love it. Erotic art-- music made into moving images.
17 July 2009
Since it came up in conversation...
The worst interview and resume mistakes
by Tara Weiss, Forbes.com
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A few minutes into an interview with a promising advertising sales representative, the candidate's cellphone rang. Instead of being embarrassed that he forgot to shut it off, he asked the recruiter, Debra Wheatman, "Do you mind if I grab this for one quick sec?"
Of course she minded.
That he answered the phone spoke volumes about him. His résumé went straight into the trash. It didn't matter how qualified he was; Wheatman wasn't hiring someone who valued a cellphone call over a job opportunity.
"I was flabbergasted," she says. Wheatman was an in-house recruiter at Condé Nast when this awkward incident occurred. She is now a career counsellor for the job Web site Vault.com.
Answering your phone during a job interview is obviously inappropriate. But there are many much more subtle mistakes job seekers make on their résumés and during interviews. With so much competition for jobs, don't let one of these faux pas hurt your chances.
Your résumé is your first chance to make a positive impression. Make sure there aren't any typos, grammatical errors or spelling mistakes in it. You must do more than just spell check it. Print it out. It's easier to detect errors on paper than after your eyes glaze over from staring at a computer screen. Also, have a friend or mentor proofread it.
One version of your résumé won't be right for all the jobs you apply for. It's better to tailor it to a handful of openings that directly relate to your experience rather than to write one and spam dozens of hiring managers with it. Also, use the keywords that appear in the job ad to describe your skills.
"The biggest mistake people make on a résumé is they think everything they've ever done needs to be in there," says Rich Thompson, vice president of training and development for the staffing firm Adecco Group North America. "The résumé is the bait to get you the interview."
Managers are more likely to take that bait if you describe your accomplishments instead of listing your daily responsibilities. This will set you apart from the competition. Quantify those accomplishments when possible. Describe what you made, saved and achieved for the firm.
Once you get the interview, dress professionally. Men should wear a suit and tie and women a nice top with either slacks or a skirt. It doesn't matter if the company's typical attire is business casual. "You're there to make an impression," Debra Wheatman says.
Nothing frustrates recruiters more than when a candidate doesn't know enough about their company. Before the interview, learn all you can about the company's products, services and competition. Check out the press room on the firm's Web site to see what the latest news is.
All this information will come in handy when the hiring manager asks why you want the job. That's the perfect opportunity to explain how you'll be an ideal fit for the position.
Joan McGrail, human resources manager at the footwear company New Balance, sees many avoidable mistakes when she conducts interviews. Among the most common: asking about vacation policy before you've landed the job, long answers that never really address the question, trying to dominate the interview and failing to show respect for all interviewers and company personnel, like the receptionist and security person.
Among the silliest errors she's seen: A job candidate wore a competitor's sneakers to the interview.
McGrail recommends being prepared to discuss specifics. For example, many managers will ask questions like, "Tell me about a time when you had to overcome a challenge on the job."
Always come prepared with questions. Wheatman recommends asking, "Can you tell me about the characteristics of a person who held this job who was very successful? What about someone who held the job before who wasn't successful?"
Many interviewees get tongue-tied when asked the open-ended question, "Tell me about yourself." "People often start babbling," Wheatman says. "It's meant to get you to open up and talk about something not on your résumé."
She recommends discussing something interesting you've done that illustrates your character. Typical good options: having recently trained for and run a marathon or recent volunteer work.
As for salary, don't discuss it until you've been offered the job. If you toss out a number before the interview, it may be higher than they wanted and you'll take yourself out of the running. Show them during the interview why they can't live without you. Then they'll be more likely to give you the pay you deserve.
Many recruiters create an uncomfortable situation by asking what your current salary is. That shouldn't have a bearing on what you'll make in your next job. The company should pay you the market rate for your unique skills set.
If this comes up, respond by explaining that you're really excited about this opportunity and you're sure you can arrive at a salary you both feel comfortable with. If that doesn't work, Wheatman suggests, ask how much the position is budgeted for.
Don't underestimate the power of a good interview. "We find the overwhelming percentage of people who get the job are not necessarily the ones most qualified," Thompson says. "They're the ones who do the best in the interview."
Whatever you do, don't forget to shut off your cellphone.
by Tara Weiss, Forbes.com
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
A few minutes into an interview with a promising advertising sales representative, the candidate's cellphone rang. Instead of being embarrassed that he forgot to shut it off, he asked the recruiter, Debra Wheatman, "Do you mind if I grab this for one quick sec?"
Of course she minded.
That he answered the phone spoke volumes about him. His résumé went straight into the trash. It didn't matter how qualified he was; Wheatman wasn't hiring someone who valued a cellphone call over a job opportunity.
"I was flabbergasted," she says. Wheatman was an in-house recruiter at Condé Nast when this awkward incident occurred. She is now a career counsellor for the job Web site Vault.com.
Answering your phone during a job interview is obviously inappropriate. But there are many much more subtle mistakes job seekers make on their résumés and during interviews. With so much competition for jobs, don't let one of these faux pas hurt your chances.
Your résumé is your first chance to make a positive impression. Make sure there aren't any typos, grammatical errors or spelling mistakes in it. You must do more than just spell check it. Print it out. It's easier to detect errors on paper than after your eyes glaze over from staring at a computer screen. Also, have a friend or mentor proofread it.
One version of your résumé won't be right for all the jobs you apply for. It's better to tailor it to a handful of openings that directly relate to your experience rather than to write one and spam dozens of hiring managers with it. Also, use the keywords that appear in the job ad to describe your skills.
"The biggest mistake people make on a résumé is they think everything they've ever done needs to be in there," says Rich Thompson, vice president of training and development for the staffing firm Adecco Group North America. "The résumé is the bait to get you the interview."
Managers are more likely to take that bait if you describe your accomplishments instead of listing your daily responsibilities. This will set you apart from the competition. Quantify those accomplishments when possible. Describe what you made, saved and achieved for the firm.
Once you get the interview, dress professionally. Men should wear a suit and tie and women a nice top with either slacks or a skirt. It doesn't matter if the company's typical attire is business casual. "You're there to make an impression," Debra Wheatman says.
Nothing frustrates recruiters more than when a candidate doesn't know enough about their company. Before the interview, learn all you can about the company's products, services and competition. Check out the press room on the firm's Web site to see what the latest news is.
All this information will come in handy when the hiring manager asks why you want the job. That's the perfect opportunity to explain how you'll be an ideal fit for the position.
Joan McGrail, human resources manager at the footwear company New Balance, sees many avoidable mistakes when she conducts interviews. Among the most common: asking about vacation policy before you've landed the job, long answers that never really address the question, trying to dominate the interview and failing to show respect for all interviewers and company personnel, like the receptionist and security person.
Among the silliest errors she's seen: A job candidate wore a competitor's sneakers to the interview.
McGrail recommends being prepared to discuss specifics. For example, many managers will ask questions like, "Tell me about a time when you had to overcome a challenge on the job."
Always come prepared with questions. Wheatman recommends asking, "Can you tell me about the characteristics of a person who held this job who was very successful? What about someone who held the job before who wasn't successful?"
Many interviewees get tongue-tied when asked the open-ended question, "Tell me about yourself." "People often start babbling," Wheatman says. "It's meant to get you to open up and talk about something not on your résumé."
She recommends discussing something interesting you've done that illustrates your character. Typical good options: having recently trained for and run a marathon or recent volunteer work.
As for salary, don't discuss it until you've been offered the job. If you toss out a number before the interview, it may be higher than they wanted and you'll take yourself out of the running. Show them during the interview why they can't live without you. Then they'll be more likely to give you the pay you deserve.
Many recruiters create an uncomfortable situation by asking what your current salary is. That shouldn't have a bearing on what you'll make in your next job. The company should pay you the market rate for your unique skills set.
If this comes up, respond by explaining that you're really excited about this opportunity and you're sure you can arrive at a salary you both feel comfortable with. If that doesn't work, Wheatman suggests, ask how much the position is budgeted for.
Don't underestimate the power of a good interview. "We find the overwhelming percentage of people who get the job are not necessarily the ones most qualified," Thompson says. "They're the ones who do the best in the interview."
Whatever you do, don't forget to shut off your cellphone.
08 July 2009
Craiglist post from the Bike Shop
A few things from the bike shop.
Date: 2009-05-27, 4:05PM PDT
Whoo-hoo Seattle, the sun is out! Let's discuss a few things before you fumble with swapping the unused ski rack for the unused bike rack on the Subaru.
So yes, you've noticed the sun is out, and hey!- maybe it would be cool to to some bike riding. Let's keep in mind that the sun came out of all 600,000 of us, so for the most part, you're not the only one who noticed. Please remember that when you walk into my shop on a bright, sunny Saturday morning. It will save you from looking like a complete twat that huffs "Why are there so many people here?"
Are we all on the same page now about it being sunny outside? Have we all figured out that we're not the only clever people that feel sunny days are good for bike riding? Great. I want to kiss all of you on your forehead for sharing this moment with me. Put your vitamin D starved fingers in mine, and we'll move on together to some pointers that will make life easier.
SOME POINTERS FOR THE PHONE:
- I don't know what size of bike you need. The only thing that I can tell over the phone is that you sound fat. I don't care how tall you are. I don't care how long your inseam is. Don't complain to me that you don't want to come ALL THE WAY down to the bike shop to get fitted for a bike. I have two hundred bikes in my inventory. I will find one that fits you. Whether you come from the north or the south, my shop is downhill. Pretend you're going to smell a fart, ball up, and roll your fat ass down here.
- Don't get high and call me. Write it down, call me later. When I have four phone lines ringing, and a herdlet
of people waiting for help, I can't deal with you sitting there "uuuuhhh"-ing and "uuummm"-ing while your brain tries to put together some cheeto-xbox-fixie conundrum. We didn't get disconnected, I left you on hold to figure your shit out.
-I really do need to see your bike to know what is wrong with it. You've already figured out that when you car makes a noise, the mechanic needs to see it. When your TV goes blank, a technician needs to see it. I can tell you, if there is one thing I've learned from you fucking squirrels, it's that "doesn't shift right" means your bike could need a slight cable adjustment, or you might just need to stop backing into it with the Subaru. Bring it in, I'll let you know for sure.
- No, I don't know how much a good bike costs. For some, spending $500 dollars is a kingly sum. For others, $500 won't buy you one good wheel. You really need to have an idea of what you want, because every one of you raccoons "doesn't want to spend too much".
FOR YOU INVENTIVE TYPES AND DO-IT-YOURSELFERS:
- Just because you think is should exist, doesn't mean that it does. I know that to you, a 14 inch quill stem makes perfect sense, but what makes more sense is buying a bike that fits you, not trying to make your mountain bike that was too small for you to begin with into a comfort bike.
- If some twat on some message board somewhere says that you can use the lockring from your bottom bracket as a lockring for a fixie conversion doesn't mean that A: you can, or B: you should. Please listen to me on this stuff, I really do have your best interests at heart.
- I love that you have the enthusiasm to build yourself a recumbent in the off season. That does not mean however, that I share your enthusiasm; ergo I won't do the "final tweaks" for you. You figure out why that Sram shifter and that Shimano rear derailleur don't work together. While we're at it, you recumbent people scare me a little. Don't bring that lumbering fucking thing anywhere near me.
A DEDICATION TO ALL THE HIPSTER DUCHEBAGS:
-If you shitheads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid. Go have an ironic mustache growing contest in front of American Apparel, so that I can continue selling $300 bikes to fatties, which is what keeps the lights on.
- Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good. The reason that no one has ridden that "vintage" Murray is because it's shit. It was shit in the 80's, a trend it carried proudly through the 90's, and rallied with into the '00's. What I mean to say is, no, I can't make it work better. It's still shit, even with more air in the tires.
SO YOU'RE GONNA BUY A BIKE:
Good for you! Biking is awesome. It's easy, it's fun, it's good for you. I want you to bike, I really do. To that end, I am here to help you.
-Your co-worker that's "really into biking" knows fuck all. Stop asking for his advice. He could care less about you having the right bike. He wants to validate his bike purchase(s) through you. He also wants to sleep with you, and wear matching bike shorts with you.
- You're not a triathlete. You're not. If you were, you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.
- You're not a racer. If you were, I'd know you already, and you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.
- So you want a bike that you can ride to work, goes really fast, is good for that triathlon you're doing this summer (snicker), is good on trails and mud, and costs less than $300. Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me. What are we even talking about here? Oh yeah. Listen, bikes can be fast, light, cheap and comfortable. Pick two, and we're all good.
ABOUT YOUR KIDS:
Your kids are amazing. Sure are. No one else has kids as smart, able, funny or as good looking as you. Nope. Never see THAT around here.
- I have no idea how long you kid will be able to use this bike. As it seems to me, your precious is a little retarded, and can't even use the damn thing now. More likely, your budding genius is going to leave the bike in the driveway where you will Subaru the bike to death LONG before the nose picker outgrows the bike.
- Stop being so jumpy. I am not a molester. You people REALLY watch too much TV. When I hold the back of the bike while your kid is on it, it's not because I get a thrill from *almost* having my hand on kid butt, it's because kids are unpredictable, and generally take off whenever possible, usually not in the direction you think they might go. Listen, if I were going to do anything bad to your kids, I'd feed them to sharks, because sharks are FUCKING AWESOME.
I hope this helps, and have fun this summer riding your kick-ass bike!
Ross posted this one on FB. Priceless!
Date: 2009-05-27, 4:05PM PDT
Whoo-hoo Seattle, the sun is out! Let's discuss a few things before you fumble with swapping the unused ski rack for the unused bike rack on the Subaru.
So yes, you've noticed the sun is out, and hey!- maybe it would be cool to to some bike riding. Let's keep in mind that the sun came out of all 600,000 of us, so for the most part, you're not the only one who noticed. Please remember that when you walk into my shop on a bright, sunny Saturday morning. It will save you from looking like a complete twat that huffs "Why are there so many people here?"
Are we all on the same page now about it being sunny outside? Have we all figured out that we're not the only clever people that feel sunny days are good for bike riding? Great. I want to kiss all of you on your forehead for sharing this moment with me. Put your vitamin D starved fingers in mine, and we'll move on together to some pointers that will make life easier.
SOME POINTERS FOR THE PHONE:
- I don't know what size of bike you need. The only thing that I can tell over the phone is that you sound fat. I don't care how tall you are. I don't care how long your inseam is. Don't complain to me that you don't want to come ALL THE WAY down to the bike shop to get fitted for a bike. I have two hundred bikes in my inventory. I will find one that fits you. Whether you come from the north or the south, my shop is downhill. Pretend you're going to smell a fart, ball up, and roll your fat ass down here.
- Don't get high and call me. Write it down, call me later. When I have four phone lines ringing, and a herdlet
of people waiting for help, I can't deal with you sitting there "uuuuhhh"-ing and "uuummm"-ing while your brain tries to put together some cheeto-xbox-fixie conundrum. We didn't get disconnected, I left you on hold to figure your shit out.
-I really do need to see your bike to know what is wrong with it. You've already figured out that when you car makes a noise, the mechanic needs to see it. When your TV goes blank, a technician needs to see it. I can tell you, if there is one thing I've learned from you fucking squirrels, it's that "doesn't shift right" means your bike could need a slight cable adjustment, or you might just need to stop backing into it with the Subaru. Bring it in, I'll let you know for sure.
- No, I don't know how much a good bike costs. For some, spending $500 dollars is a kingly sum. For others, $500 won't buy you one good wheel. You really need to have an idea of what you want, because every one of you raccoons "doesn't want to spend too much".
FOR YOU INVENTIVE TYPES AND DO-IT-YOURSELFERS:
- Just because you think is should exist, doesn't mean that it does. I know that to you, a 14 inch quill stem makes perfect sense, but what makes more sense is buying a bike that fits you, not trying to make your mountain bike that was too small for you to begin with into a comfort bike.
- If some twat on some message board somewhere says that you can use the lockring from your bottom bracket as a lockring for a fixie conversion doesn't mean that A: you can, or B: you should. Please listen to me on this stuff, I really do have your best interests at heart.
- I love that you have the enthusiasm to build yourself a recumbent in the off season. That does not mean however, that I share your enthusiasm; ergo I won't do the "final tweaks" for you. You figure out why that Sram shifter and that Shimano rear derailleur don't work together. While we're at it, you recumbent people scare me a little. Don't bring that lumbering fucking thing anywhere near me.
A DEDICATION TO ALL THE HIPSTER DUCHEBAGS:
-If you shitheads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid. Go have an ironic mustache growing contest in front of American Apparel, so that I can continue selling $300 bikes to fatties, which is what keeps the lights on.
- Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good. The reason that no one has ridden that "vintage" Murray is because it's shit. It was shit in the 80's, a trend it carried proudly through the 90's, and rallied with into the '00's. What I mean to say is, no, I can't make it work better. It's still shit, even with more air in the tires.
SO YOU'RE GONNA BUY A BIKE:
Good for you! Biking is awesome. It's easy, it's fun, it's good for you. I want you to bike, I really do. To that end, I am here to help you.
-Your co-worker that's "really into biking" knows fuck all. Stop asking for his advice. He could care less about you having the right bike. He wants to validate his bike purchase(s) through you. He also wants to sleep with you, and wear matching bike shorts with you.
- You're not a triathlete. You're not. If you were, you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.
- You're not a racer. If you were, I'd know you already, and you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.
- So you want a bike that you can ride to work, goes really fast, is good for that triathlon you're doing this summer (snicker), is good on trails and mud, and costs less than $300. Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me. What are we even talking about here? Oh yeah. Listen, bikes can be fast, light, cheap and comfortable. Pick two, and we're all good.
ABOUT YOUR KIDS:
Your kids are amazing. Sure are. No one else has kids as smart, able, funny or as good looking as you. Nope. Never see THAT around here.
- I have no idea how long you kid will be able to use this bike. As it seems to me, your precious is a little retarded, and can't even use the damn thing now. More likely, your budding genius is going to leave the bike in the driveway where you will Subaru the bike to death LONG before the nose picker outgrows the bike.
- Stop being so jumpy. I am not a molester. You people REALLY watch too much TV. When I hold the back of the bike while your kid is on it, it's not because I get a thrill from *almost* having my hand on kid butt, it's because kids are unpredictable, and generally take off whenever possible, usually not in the direction you think they might go. Listen, if I were going to do anything bad to your kids, I'd feed them to sharks, because sharks are FUCKING AWESOME.
I hope this helps, and have fun this summer riding your kick-ass bike!
Ross posted this one on FB. Priceless!
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